If I could be any gay man ever (and that's a lot of gay men to choose from), I'd be David Sedaris. If I could be any great American contemporary writer (a quickly diminishing category), I'd be David Sedaris. If I could have anyone's speech impediment besides my own, it would be David Sedaris'. If I could be any NPR commentator, I'd be Gustavo Arellano. But if I could be any non-Hispanic NPR commentator, I'd totally be David Sedaris.
Life as David would be so chill. I'd be all, "Hey, Amy! What's happening? Wanna write another play about our fucked-up childhood? I've got some free time, so maybe I'll just work on another best-selling book or something. Dude, life's so great being me." It'd be fun.
But lucky us, we can all live voyeuristically as the two-time Grammy Award nominee and Time's 2001 "Humorist of the Year" takes the stage this Sunday at the Long Beach Terrace to tell us about how his sister Amy once convinced him to buy clothing from the women's section at a department store only to be faced with the dilemma of how to pee in a urinal when your pants zip up the back? Answer: very carefully.
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KCRW presents An Evening with David Sedaris at the Long Beach Terrace Theater, 300 E. Ocean Ave., Long Beach, (562) 436-3661; www.ticketmaster.com. Sun., 7 p.m. $27.50-$36. For an alternate take on Sedaris, please see The Blotter at ocweekly.com.