Episode 25

The 909 comes to the 949 in the form of Aunt Cindy, Julie's uncouth sister, who Marissa secretly invites to Jule's "elegant couples wedding shower" so that mega-rich mega-developer Caleb Nichol can be exposed to his fiance's head-bangin', tequila-shootin', Double Double-slurpin', Monster Truck-lovun, high school defensive line head-givin' past. But the revelations fail to rock Caleb, who may be the only person in Newport more amoral than his soon-to-be missus. Meanwhile, Ryan's old Chino flame Theresa pops back into town, having just been popped in the eye by her fianc Eddie. Sandy offers her some sage legal advice: dump the bastard. When he eventually finds out, Ryan goes one step further, getting all hot-headed and hopping into a car to speed off to Chino to tell Eddie what's for. But with voices in his head of all his Newport loved ones telling him to cool off and butt out, he turns the car around in Corona. Corona!?! You mean to tell me he wound his way onto the 55, experienced the perpetual clogs near John Wayne Airport and the connector to the 5, and then sat in his tin oven roasting like a London broil on the parking lot that some call the 91 East, where omnipresent bumper-to-bumper traffic that doesn't even begin to pick up until you pass the 15 interchange deep in the heart of . . . wait for it . . . CORONA?!? What a freakin' shmuck! Think about it: he traveled that deep into the heart of darkness, then cut his trip? Christ almighty, I'd be so steamed at stopping and going at that point that I'd get out of my car and run to Chino to kick Eddie's ass--and I'd even let him bind my hands and pack a tire iron. However, with Ryan's cooler head prevailing--for the first time since, well, ever--he convinces the Cohens to take Theresa in, meaning the Ryan/Theresa/Marissa love triangle's back on, baby. But someone better let Theresa in on the rules about Mexicans in Newport: No fishing on the pier after hours; no occupying Little Corona beach's grassy areas because those are reserved for later-arriving white folk; and, for God's sake, no showing your brown face anywhere in town after the last bus has taken the Latina nannies back to Santa Ana.

LINE OF THE WEEK: After Aunt Cindy recalls a time when she and Julie hit a heavy-metal concert in Anaheim, Seth can't believe Julie went to a heavy-metal concert, to which Kirsten adds, "I can't believe she went to Anaheim."


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