Eight Days

Thurs/Dec 9
Come see famous recluse/offbeat performance artist "Steve Rocco" get sworn in as trustee of the Orange Unified School District, following a campaign where he didn't, and which just goes to prove people will vote for a monkey as long as that monkey ain't pro-union. Dude, you know you wanna. Unless you're one of those people who doesn't "understand" "humor." Yeah, ocmetblogs, I'm talking to you. 7:30 p.m. Free (of dignity). OUSD Education Center, Board Room (Bldg. H), 1401 N. Handy St., Orange, (714) 628-4000; orangeusd.k12.ca.us.


Most people in the audience to see Concrete Blonde at the Galaxy tonight will be Goth princesses. The rest will be waiting to hear Johnette sing "Joey." Me, I shall be shrieking along with the world's best JFK-assassination song, "Tomorrow, Wendy," and the always-a-hoedown "Ghost of a Texas Ladies' Man." Why? Because she has sex! With a ghost! And that's the kind of universal experience to which everyone can relate. 8 p.m. All ages. $25. Galaxy Concert Theatre, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; www.galaxytheatre.com.


Our listings claim Matthew Bourne's new version of The Nutcracker "presents a family-friendly, festive treat filled with Bourne's trademark wit, pathos and theatrical magic while putting a new spin on the traditional telling of this holiday tale." And that makes me sad. Isn't this the same Bourne who brought us the all-gay-male Swan Lake with kind of a leather-trade vibe? And now he's forsaken us for "family-friendly"? Well, fuck him. 2 & 8 p.m. $25-$75. Orange County Performing Arts Center, Segerstrom Hall, 600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2122; www.ocpac.org.


Now Brea belly dancer Kathryne Brockman and her friendly, singing Royale Rodentes may be giving us a reason to live. Toy mice sing special holiday tunes during some kind of take-off of A Midsummer's Night Dream. Yes, indeed. Sparkly dancers and singing mice. In elf costumes. Take that, Bourne! Fucker! 7 p.m. Free. Coffee Haven, 1708 E. Broadway, Long Beach, (562) 437-3735.


Have you told your mother lately that you love her? No? Good.


Mary Reilly, who's frighteningly up on the intricacies of Teen Beat gossip, informs us Aaron Carter is the one who's "dated" both Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff (principals in one of the most entertaining teen-starlet feuds since Nixon and the Jews) and that it's his brother Nick—who is not playing at tonight's House of Blues show—who was banging Paris Hilton. On tape. Yawn. Aaron Carter performs with J-Me. We're happy to help. 8 p.m. All ages. $32.50. House of Blues, 1530 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 778-2583.


Storytime with Santa. Poems, stories, songs and jokes. Doesn't that sound sweet 'n' homey? Unless, of course, you're Grinchy old Jesse James emblazoning this pithy (and hilarious) slogan across his shop in, like, 20-foot letters: Santa Is Fake. 7:30-8:30 p.m. Mesa Verde Library, 2969 Mesa Verde Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 546-5274.

Thurs/Dec 16
Where to begin? I think we need to find out a little more about the Poo Poo Cushion Gong Show hosted by 2000 Lbs. of Blues' Pink Arguello and 102-year-old vaudeville sensation Uncle Ron Lake. So the drill's the same as always: you go and let us know how it went. 7:30 p.m. Free. Renaissance Dana Point, 24701 Del Prado Ave., Dana Point, (949) 661-6003.

—Rebecca Schoenkopf


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