THURS/JAN 13 Join the World Affairs Council and its members, whom I like to imagine as Pinkyand The Brain, as they stroke their huge heads and listen to Gregory Treverton, director of the RAND Corporation's Intelligence Policy Center and former vice chairman of the National Intelligence Council, speak about his work on FBI intelligence reform. Why? Because Bill Clinton fucked it up! 6 p.m. $35-$60. Irvine Marriott Hotel, 18000 Von Karman Ave., Irvine, (949) 253-5751; www.worldaffairscouncil.org.
FRI A musical about a Texas brothel? That's what I'm told—but they also tell me said musical has nothing to do with the Governor's Mansion. Ho, ho, ho! Catch The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, the hit Broadway and movie musical featuring the immortal ditty "Sally Douche Your Dirty Bits." 8 p.m. $20-$40. Cerritos Center for the Performing Arts, 12700 Center Court Dr., Cerritos, (800) 300-4345; www.cerritoscenter.com.
SAT Join all the swarms of hip Disney illustrators and hundreds of their cute li'l friends at OOTS (Out of the Streets) for a one-night-only art show. OOTS parties are not to be missed, and afterward, you can go karaoke at the fantageous Linbrook Bowl(open all night!!!). At least, that's what I keep threatening. 7 p.m. Free. OOTS, 701 S. State College, Ste. 707I, Fullerton, (714) 447-DEVO; Linbrook Bowl, 201 S. Brookhurst St., Anaheim, (714) 774-2253.
SUN If you go to the Association of Fingerstyle Guitarists Annual Convention/Festival, it will prove you are a worldly, esoteric, in-the-know lover of exotic, old-timey music. It will also most likely prove you have a penis. Check www.afg.org for complete lineup and show times. 11:30 a.m.-10 p.m. $25. All ages. Santa Ana College, Phillips Hall Theatre, 1530 W. 17th St., Santa Ana, (714) 564-5668.
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MON If you go see the San Francisco Symphony under the direction of the famed Michael Tilson Thomas, it will prove you could buy and sell the fingerstyle folks like they were conservative commentator Armstrong Williams. Thomas and his pals perform Mahler's Symphony No. 9 in D major, 8 p.m. $29-$86. Orange County Performing Arts Center, Segerstrom Hall, 600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2787; www.ocpac.org.
TUES Ah, ah, ah, Lolita! The Banned Book Club gets all hot, kinky and underage—you know, like that lady schoolteacher in Orange! Brush up on your nasty and wrong sex with minors, and come discuss Nabokov's masterpiece—of sin! 7 p.m. Barnes & Noble, 7777 Edinger Ave., Huntington Beach, (714) 897-8781.
WED Liz Callaway and Ann Hampton Callaway present Sibling Revelry, a program "chock-full of good-spirited rivalry and revelry. The two sisters—Liz is known as a Broadway showstopper, and Ann is a top recording artist/songwriter/jazz singer—duel and dazzle through duets and solos ranging from musical theater to jazz and pop." Is anyone else reminded of Jan Hooks and Nora Dunn's "Sweeney Sisters"medleys on SNL? Now wait a minute: thanks to the wonders of Google, I find the Sweeney Sisters' names are "Candy" and "Liz"! Are these fine ladies the real-life inspiration for the recurring segment that saved SNL from the Robert Downey Jr. and Anthony Michael Hall years (well, year)? Just asking. Clang, clang, clang goes the trolley! 7:30 p.m. $58. Orange County Performing Arts Center, Founders Hall, 600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2787; www.ocpac.org.
THURS/JAN 20 The funniest man ever to star in Sorority Boys, Down Periscope and, most especially, as Jason Bateman's "special" brother on Simon—Harland Williams—hits Irvine. No, I really mean he hits it! The man is ridiculously funny, and despite his surgical lack of chin, he gets sexier every second he's onstage until people crowd around him after the show like he's Creed or something. 8:30 p.m. $20. 18+. Irvine Improv, 71 Fortune Dr., Ste. 841, Irvine, (949) 854-5455.