Thurs., May 5: Sure, last week I may have said that the only place to be tonight was at the Galaxywith Manic Hispanic, but that was before I knew that the world's loudest (and yet still melodic!) band of masked Mexican wrestlers, Los Mysteriosos, were playing Alex's Bar. So pick your poison! 9 p.m. 21+. Alex's Bar, 2913 E. Anaheim Blvd., Long Beach, (562) 434-8292.
Fri.: You know what's funner than anything else in the whole wide world? Hanging out with retarded children and adults. Head over to CalStateFullertonto volunteer with the Kathleen E. Faley Memorial Special Games, and have one of the happiest days you'll ever remember. 8:30 a.m.-2 p.m. Cal State Fullerton, soccer practice field next to the gym, 800 N. State College Blvd., Fullerton, (714) 278-3112; www.csufspecialgames.org.
Sat.: Miss Lynn, Miss Lynn! The single most charming woman I have ever seen take the stage, Loretta Lynn, graces us with her tiny body and huge presence. Too bad you missed her two years ago at the Crazy Horse, when the cheap seats were only 20 bones; now you hipsters who waited for the Jack White-produced VanLearRosebefore making your pilgrimage are gonna have to pony up $75. Galaxy Concert Theatre, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; www.galaxytheatre.com.
Sun.: "Hey, Mom!" I said, "let's go volunteer and do something good for Mother'sDaythis year!" "No," said my mom. But if you're better people than we, you can head over to the CatholicWorkerand serve food, play games, and give out gifts to the families hanging out at their homeless shelter this spring. Go ahead. Do something nice. 4:30-7:30 p.m. CatholicWorker,316S.CypressAve.,SantaAna,(714)558-7478.
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Mon.: And now it's time to truck with TheDevilat the Psychic Faire and Spiritual Healing Festival. I wonder if our Jesusfriends will picket? Grab yourself some 20-minute readings, including tarot, past lives, career, palm, love life, money, aura and more. 7:30-10 p.m. Readings, $8; three for $20. SouthernCaliforniaPsychicInstitute,2900BristolSt.,Bldg.B,Ste.106,CostaMesa,(714)434-9550.
Tues.: I heard the Angelsare in first place or something. That's cool. But how's my boy Steve(Dave?) Finley? Put a monkey on your back and go root, root, root against Cleveland. 7:05 p.m. Check website for ticket prices. Angel Stadium, 2000 Gene Autry Way, Anaheim, (888) 796-HALO; anaheim.angels.mlb.com.
Wed.: Does anybody have the faintest idea what, besides "DankeSchoen," the girly-voiced Wayne Newtonmight have sung? Me either! But if you're the kind of person who has $45-$70 lying around, by all means go, and let me know. 7:30 p.m. Cerritos Center, 12700 Center Court Dr., Cerritos, (800) 300-4345; www.cerritoscenter.com.
Thurs., May 12: My brothers used to have a Cheech&Chongrecord when I was like 6, and once we were having lunch in a restaurant and I started singing "Beaners" ("Mexican Americans/Take Spanish in high school/And get B's"), and the busboy was Mexican-American, and I got in trouble. Like I knew what a beaner was. Anyhoo, TommyChongmust be out of the joint (get it?), 'cause he and apparently his wife, Shelby, are playing the Irvine Improv. Dude, I'm so completely there. 8:30 p.m. $20. IrvineImprov,71FortuneDr.,Ste.841,Irvine,(949)854-5455.