Crystal Sex Toys Work Far Better Than Your Regular Ol' Vibrator
Courtesy of Chakrubs

Crystal Sex Toys Work Far Better Than Your Regular Ol' Vibrator

Holistic medicine has infiltrated everything from exercise to education to doggie care, so why not our sex lives? All hail crystal sex toys—massagers, plugs and other fun stuff fashioned out of polished rose quartz, amethyst, black opal, obsidian and other spiritual-energy material. Ancient Chinese culture popularized the idea of sacred rocks entering orifices for health purposes with Yoni eggs, but crystal sex toys also promise spiritual and mental clarity . . . with sexual release!

Design-wise, crystal sex toys are already better than your state-of-the-art vibrator: They're all natural and easy to clean. There's no need for batteries, and if you accidentally leave it for guests to see, they'll think it's a Jeff Koons work. Much as with crystals used to meditate, there's an activation process for the toys: gently wash with warm water and sea salt to clear it of previous unwanted energy. Each crystal carries its own metaphysical properties and uses, but it's up to you to set specific intentions with your play.

It all sounds like hippy-dippy GOOP shit, right? If you're open-minded enough, there are some big positives to aligning your arousal with mindful practice. Rubbing one off with a crystal sex toy is said to improve self-awareness, relieve stress and remove emotional blocks from past sexual trauma or relationships. Vanessa Cuccio, founder of Chakrubs, the leading crystal-energy sex-toy company, told Refinery29, "There are thousands of stories about crystals, each one special, and all with a purpose of relieving us of any emotional, spiritual, or physical pain."

Crystal sex toys haven't yet become regular inventory at your local ConRev, but you can check them out at Entice Me (200 Elm Ave., Ste. 13, Long Beach, 714-386-9864; www.enticeme.co) or find them online, including at Chakrubs (www.chakrubs.com). You're welcome!

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