Why Do Mexicans Like Wrought-Iron Fences?

[¡Ask a Mexican!] And why do Mexicans take their kids to violent movies?

DEAR READERS: The Mexican just got married to a chica caliente, and he's taken her on a honeymoon to the motherland so she can learn the proper art of tortilla-making. In the meanwhile, I offer this Best Of edition because I plan to do all of my work this week en la cama—ZING! And away we vamos . . .

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DEAR MEXICAN: The last two movies I attended were rated R. Sitting around me were Mexican families with very young children. Why do Mexicans bring their 8-year-old kids to see a movie like Hostel? Do Mexican parents just not give a shit, or can they not afford a baby-sitter? Plus, the Mexicans let their kids kick my seat.

Mark Dancey

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Confused Moviegoer

DEAR GABACHO: The only sin I see here is anyone forking over cash to watch Hostel, the 2005 horror turkey whose main claim to fame was casting handsome wab Jay Hernandez as a character with the retro-gabacho name Paxton. As for your question, the Mexican refers you to the late New Yorker film critic Pauline Kael, who famously quipped, "The words 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,' which I saw on an Italian movie poster, are perhaps the briefest statement imaginable of the basic appeal of movies." Nowhere is that nugget more applicable than with Mexicans. Mix gore, boobs, popcorn and the occasional midget or gay guy, and you can occupy a Mexican for two hours. See, violence and Mexican cinema go together like refried and beans—it has been one prolonged shootout that started with the 1919 silent classic El Automovil Gris (The Grey Automobile, which dramatized the real-life exploits of Mexico City's murderous Grey Automobile Gang and included actual footage of their execution), continued through the urban dramas of the 1950s and various 1960s sci-fi/Aztec mummy/lucha libre superhero follies, and reached its zenith with narcopelículas (drug dramas) that Spanish-language television channels have broadcast without pause for the past three decades.

The Mexican love for filmic blood isn't a pathological cultural trait, though. As any Hollywood executive will tell you, violence is a universal tongue that needs no subtitles. That's why Mexican parents take their kiddies to see such films—as the children become Americans and the parents remain stuck in remedial English classes, sometimes the only way to communicate is to speak the language of Charles Bronson. And the kid behind you? Just practicing his Death Wish moves so he can kick your ass.

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DEAR MEXICAN: What's up with the elaborate, wrought-iron fences in the Mexican parts of town? It almost seems as though everyone is trying to outdo one another with these amazing displays of metallurgy. Is it just another way to try to protect the cars parked on the lawn and keep the livestock from wandering off, or is it a pathway to instant respect and envy among the neighbors?

WHrought Iron To Envy (WHITE) Guy

DEAR GABACHO: You can find the answer on the United States-Mexico border, WHITE: fences. Miles and miles of American-made fences. Triple-layered. Jagged. Deadly. That's our introduction to American society when we enter los Estados Unidos. All Mexicans want to assimilate, so fences are usually the first thing we erect once we buy a casa: pointy, menacing bars wrapped with organic barbed wire as though they're bougainvilleas or roses to keep the damn Mexicans at bay.

 
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96 comments
joey
joey

NO HABLA.......

griffinmichael
griffinmichael

Congratulations! Bring her to Southern Colorado as well to learn the art of green chile!

designofaz
designofaz

Congrats Tavo .  How was the boda suprema? Make sure you share photos. She's a gabacha...no?

Rodriguez Liz
Rodriguez Liz

Yea not just on the highway , I had a hit and run a few months ago clearly I saw the driver and he just took off , then a few times driving in Santa Ana I had a few people slam on their brakes at a green light I always give myself enough room to brake , but I just wonder why they people think they can scam someone .. Hell no , I have seriously started driving around with my camera ready ... I'll be taking pictures of license plates next time someone tries to slam on their brakes on a intersection when it's a green light .. And I grew up in Westminster , but Santa Ana has the worst drivers

destruction.eva
destruction.eva

I've got a question for you Mr. Ask a Mexican; why don't you make your own frickin' tortillas?

Axel GdaGreen
Axel GdaGreen

this is fucken stupid come with something better than attacking mexicans you fucken lame

gglez38
gglez38

Im a mexican who lives in Mexico and we  love to laugh about  la muerte and  terror movies are like chistes for us and our kids!!!!!!!!!

mhip
mhip

Because the parents don't give a zurron...

Perlita Beauford
Perlita Beauford

It is the truth about the communication gaps. My nana and 'ama both loved to watch Charles Bronson and Flip Wilson. Flip loved to do a very "pretty gal" back in the day. In Mexico we watched nothing but Lucha Libre movies with El Santo, Mil Mascaras, Tinieblas, etc. I still download Charles Bronson for me and my kids when my 'ama comes to visit. Freaking Gabachos have no idea what a good time is.

Daniel Burrola
Daniel Burrola

Je'Nai Maureen Lee idk I'm not mexican.... Maybe ask Jaysen?

David Virginia
David Virginia

The most pointless column in the OC Weekly continues to live up to its reputation.

Helen Laura López
Helen Laura López

damn that's funny. We do love those wrought iron fences. A couple of lions at the gate enhance them.

John Krous
John Krous

I'm not even going to say anything. It's too sad

Mark Antonio
Mark Antonio

They really need to fire you. You are really boring why dont u talk more about whats going on in the citys

Genia Ackworth
Genia Ackworth

How about all the Madonna's I see in Latino yards?

Exador
Exador

Gus went to Pico Rivera for his honeymoon?

Matt Anderson-Tocatlian
Matt Anderson-Tocatlian

Because its a cheap babysitter. Especially when they open up the exit sign. Or. They can't understand a Damm thing anyways so they might as well see some tits and ass

Jen Ltdf
Jen Ltdf

Some people had a bunch of kids at the drive in for "sex tape" & "Tammy" are those really the movies you want to take your kids to.

Wendy De La Puente
Wendy De La Puente

Michael, I think you mean why are most serial killers white not why are most whites serial killers. There was a famous Mexican one here in California though...in case you never heard LMAO..Richard Ramerez, the night stalker.

Wendy De La Puente
Wendy De La Puente

Alexander - that's crazy. If your wife doesn't want you, why you u want her back under a spell?? & what are you talking about anyway??? WTF lol

Fernando Manhattan
Fernando Manhattan

I'm a Mexican and I would love to know why Mexicans are so frustrating on the freeway? I feel like pulling my hair when im driving next or behind them

Roberto Avalon
Roberto Avalon

I was about to comment on why Mexicanos let their kids see R-Rated movies then this Alexander puts up that out of left field?? I don't know homes.. You got the golden parachute when your wife starting humping around like Bobby Brown on that other vato. You could've got a divorce and collected that child support. Now you gotta worry if she gonna burn you with another vato again. You can't make a ho into a housewife...

Rick Hale
Rick Hale

You have to report him. If enough do facebook will block him.

Jeremy Drake
Jeremy Drake

Alan Mayans the above comment was more entertaining

Ruan Jodarte
Ruan Jodarte

He has been posting that on every OC Weekly post for the last few days now.

Jorge Marquez
Jorge Marquez

What in the everloving fuck are you talking about?

Kelly Heltsley
Kelly Heltsley

idk, whatever , I was really just thinking about the people Vincent described. Vincent has writing talent

leonharris96
leonharris96

My neighbour is working part time and averaging $9000 a month. I'm a single mum and just got my first paycheck for $6546! I still can't believe it. I tried it out cause I got really desperate and now I couldn't be happier. Heres what I do....... C­ASHFEED50.C­O­M


 
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