Baker, Baker, Bake Me a Cake

[Hey, You!] With a penis, please

Bob Aul

Details

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations--changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent--to Hey, You! c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.

You're the baker who didn't want to make the penis cakes for my fiancee's bachelorette party, citing your Christian beliefs. You know the Sistine Chapel, the most glorious depiction of God, has a shitload of penises, right? And that Jesus had one? And most Renaissance depictions of the baby Christ? And that a cross is really just a dick and balls in stick form, stolen from pagans? And that the penis-cake order ended up paying for your salary because a less-stupid colleague of yours ended up baking them, after all? A penis is a beautiful thing and what makes the world go 'round—so stop being a dick.

 
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10 comments
Dweezle
Dweezle

Perhaps the issue was the desired squirting cream filling? every simulated sperm is sacred.

Personally I refuse to do any business with any company that claims to be "christian" period well them & Walmart.

fishwithoutbicycle
fishwithoutbicycle topcommenter

I hope the penis-shaped frosting applicator is coming soon! :-D

BillxT
BillxT topcommenter

Win-win for the baker, proved his superier morality without haveing to actually do anyting.

Debaser7
Debaser7

Have to have a dick shaped cake?  Bake your own and stop being a self-righteous prick about it.  Not everyone's as groovy and open minded as you are about penises being inserted into every orifice of daily life.  

fishwithoutbicycle
fishwithoutbicycle topcommenter

How is baking a cake in the shape of a penis sacrilegious, exactly? I don't recall being told "Thou shalt not make food in the image of genitals" in Christian school.

BillxT
BillxT topcommenter

Maybe they wanted a nice professionally made cake instead of some amateur effort?

fishwithoutbicycle
fishwithoutbicycle topcommenter

@Debaser7 

"penises being inserted into every orifice of daily life." That's hilarious. :-D

You're right...the guy could have just baked his own cake. Penis pans are not hard to come by.But I'm still puzzled how it was against the baker's religion to make a cake shaped like a schlong, though...

Debaser7
Debaser7

@BillxT Something about wanting their cock and eating it too.

 
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