Why Do White People Want to Tan Themselves to Look Like Mexicans?

[¡Ask a Mexican!] And why do Mexicans have such bad tan jobs?

DEAR MEXICAN: If dark-skinned people are so "undesirable," unwelcome and put down by gringos, how come they bake in the sun like zopilotes to get dark? Summer is fantasy time for all of them, when they can actually get some color in that white skin of theirs. Maybe the whole deal about racists is that they hate being white. I would, too! Maybe angry white males are actually latent homosexuals attracted to dark-skinned men! I know for a fact that white women at one point or another fantasize about a dark man, and many more actually convert that fantasy into reality with guys like me. Who wants to go to bed with a pale guy? I don't think being brown or black is bad after all. Comments?

Tall, Handsome and Dark

DEAR WAB: You won't hear any arguments from me about this, but since I'm not versed in gabacho ways, I threw the question to the Mexican's Mexican, William Nericcio of San Diego State and his scabrous Tex(t)-Mex: Seductive Hallucinations of the "Mexican" In America. In addition to dissecting the semiotics of Mexican imagery, Profe Nericcio also has insight into the American obsession with image (check out his upcoming Eyegiene: Permutations of Subjectivity In the Televisual Age of Sex and Race). Take it, Nericcio!

Mark Dancey

Details

¡ASK A MEXICAN! VIDEOS ARE BACK! Gentle cabrones, after a years-long hiatus, I've relaunched the video version of this columna. Follow my weekly rants on Twitter (click on the hashtag #askamexican) and ask away. Enjoy!

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

"This is the age-old sexual conundrum that is actually easy to explain—we all covet something 'strange' from time to time. Or, to use other words, the 'exotic' is erotic; the other beckons with an erotic electricity that can be blinding and impossible to overcome. Let's pause here a second and throw racism and sexuality into the proverbial conceptual blender: Racism is an extension of sex when you think about it—the racist's hate of the visually different other stems from an anxiety (at the level of DNA) for 'the same.' The tribal backstory of homo sapiens evolution (whether or not you buy into the frisky intersexual intrigues that just had to be going down with Neanderthals) is a tale of a species that 'feels safe' when making the beast with two backs within the tribe, but that benefits in terms of evolution when philandering outside the tribe. Evolutionary anthropologists call this exogamy—basically the species (or the tribe) thrives when you stop sleeping with your familia, second-cousin lovers be damned!

"So enjoy all the love you're getting and sharing with pale chicas lusting after your swarthy goodness. While you might feel muy guapo with all the attention, know also that these melatonin-challenged mujeres are merely following basic laws of attraction that owe more to Darwin than your inner Papi-chulo!"

*     *     *

DEAR MEXICAN: I read your column some time ago about why Mexicans go swimming in their undershirts. But I think you missed something. All Mexican guys are terribly un-tanned. Lift up my sleeve, and it looks like someone dipped my arm in the deep fryer, at least after the shirt ends. How do I fix this?

Prieto But Not That Prieto

DEAR PHOTOGRAPHY-TEACHER GABACHO: You want to be darker? Um, okay, but the Mexican always loves to shock gabacho audiences by rolling up his sleeves to show a natural skin color even lighter than their lace-curtain-loving Irish auntie. Besides, there's no better way to get into a gabacha's chonis than by asking her if she wants to see your naturally tanned verga . . . or not.

 
My Voice Nation Help
52 comments
liberty911
liberty911

The writer of this column and George Lopez are idiots.

bradjones791
bradjones791

It sounds to me like Tall, Handsome and Dark is in possession of a cancerous inferiority complex as noted by his desire to let it show publicly. And of course, anyone with such an infliction must turn to someone that shares his condition for sympathy; and in walks Gustavo.


The truth is in the power of observation. And I have observed that there are way more Mexican women with White men, then White women with Mexican men. And here's why. 


Mexican women are thoroughly sick of Mexican men's macho attitudes. They're tired of having to explain to Mexican men that, it's all right to use all the buttons on their shirts and not just the top one. They're sick of watching their kids college funds being squandered on a 40 year old car simply so the front end can hop 6 feet into the air. They are tired of having to visit the doctor to cure them of their STDs because Mexican men can't keep their dicks out of prostitutes. And they're are tired of seeing their 35 year old husband, fingers bend and splayed in fifteen different directions sporting a non existent gang symbol, just because they think they're being "hip." 


But once again, the truth is in the power of observation.  And what I believe is that, Tall, Handsome and Dark, is the alter ego of Gustavo himself! It's his way of airing his complex in public because he's such an ugly little man. But you know, I always try to see the other mans point of view, and to be honest, if I had to look in the mirror each day and see Gustavo's facer staring back at me, I guess I might be pissed off at the world too. And what better way to spread hate and discontent and to further drive a wedge between the races then to create material to whip the masses into a frenzy.


Really now Gustavo, you're hyped veneer of credibility is wearing very thin indeed.


timothyathompson
timothyathompson

ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀs Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇᴅ I'ᴍ ʙʟᴏᴡɴ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ᴘᴀɪᴅ $5860 ɪɴ ᴀ ғᴇᴡ ᴡᴇᴇᴋs ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇʀɴᴇᴛ . ᴘᴜʙʟɪsʜᴇᴅ ʜᴇʀᴇ 




>>>>>>>>>>>  WWW.Jℴbs75.ℂOM

ocweeklysucks
ocweeklysucks

hate to break the news to you dumb mehicanos, but people like to tan because a tan is synonymous with good health.. it has nothing to do with Mexicans or their filthy culture.. gabachos despise your machismo culture and view Mexican men as one step above your average caveman

hakon39
hakon39

oralee, Homes-let "Handsome, Dark, and Proud" know that while he was writing all that shit, I was doing his sister.  That's right, everyone knows the Latina's are all into making it the White way!


See, Sweetliberty, it's only Ray-Ciss if it's a White person talking.  Any other race, well, all they're doing is acting on the feelings of inadequacy, instilled in them by the legacy of institutional racism.  Since they lack a constructive outlet because of the structure of hierarchy forced on them, they have no other recourse than to lash-out at others who are outside their tribe.

sweetliberty17761776
sweetliberty17761776 topcommenter

Also, there is always this stereotypical talk about whites males and their fear of the sexual "powers" of non whites


IF YOU accept that , then its no wonder the negative stereotyped ( criminal behavior, lower intelligence etc) persist



so while the more animalistic ( according to those who promote the more skilled sexual types) beings are also committing other more animalistic acts


and then rightly so winding up in jail


the more intelligent ones will continue to be the positive force that builds societies and 


cure diseases etc





sweetliberty17761776
sweetliberty17761776 topcommenter

here is the real reason why


pale faces have seen that the darker the skin the more protection the government gives you


sure the local cops who see the action at street level know the real score but thats not where the laws are made and the money is handed out



Jerry Vazquez
Jerry Vazquez

The corrupt Mexican goverment headed by the Pri regime along with the gringo oil companies will ripoff Mexicos oil. Every month they keep raising the price of gas in Mexico. Mexico will go from bad to worse because of the Pri regime and the united states stealing Mexicos oil again.

Jerry Vazquez
Jerry Vazquez

efrain rojas you are so wrong Pemex does have the money and the experts. In the 1970's Pemex was the most advanced and technological oil company in the world. What nneds to be done is kick out all the people who keep riping off pemex including the pri, pan regimes and the gringos.

Efrain Rojas
Efrain Rojas

None of you really understand anything about Pemex. Pemex simply does not have the money or expertise to build refineries or extract new oil reserves. The reason gas is so high in USA is because our refining capacity is shared between US and Mexico customers. Fat chance of building new refineries in CA.

GUS_IN_A_BUNNY_SUIT
GUS_IN_A_BUNNY_SUIT

Why do Dreamers and children of immigrants get $50,000 in Cal Grants, while American middle class students have to take out $50,000 in student loans. Think about it….15 years after graduating, dreamers would have saved $75,000…enough for a down payment on a house…while American middle class graduates have nothing after paying $500/month to service the loans. HOW IS THAT RIGHT? WHAT DID THE MIDDLE CLASS STUDENTS DO WRONG? IT'S ABSOLUTE INSANITY.

Gary Summers
Gary Summers

And again, its only a "Gringo" problem? Mexicans in the states fill up their tanks and want cheap gas just as much as Anglo's. The rich in both countries just want to fatten their wallets and piss on the rest of us.

eric.nelson745
eric.nelson745 topcommenter

Not only do I want my Mexican men to be nice and dark, but if I encounter one who's circumcised, I push him away. I want my Mexicanos to be completely intacto and autentico.

Jerry Vazquez
Jerry Vazquez

Mexico is a great extractor of oil. For them to give it to the gringos so that few in the Pri regime get rich is a crime. Mexico needs more refineries. They can make them just like they have made some in the past. If you have an orange tree why would you sell very cheap your oranges and then buy the orange juice at high prices it makes no sence. The pri regime is ripping of the people and the gringos are part of the problem. There is no reason for Mexico to sell there oil at cheap prices and then buy the gasoline back at very expensive prices. The high prices of gas in Mexico are ridiculous. They are raising gas prices every month and plan to do so and will eventually pass gas prices in the usa. This will cause there economy to suffer and will cause millions of more Mexicans to come here.

Gary Summers
Gary Summers

Stay away from that bastard sun and stay safe!

Gary Summers
Gary Summers

Are you filling up your gas tank anytime soon? Wouldnt they be selling gas to YOU as well? Or is there a certain place that you go that sell's fair market petrol? Last i checked gringos werent the only one's buying gas.

Mick Slick
Mick Slick

Well, mate, I am ENTIRELY Irish-mam was from Keady-So I'll guess that smidgen of Gallaigh you've got has upped yer mellonin.....

Gary Summers
Gary Summers

Not true my fellow mick! I have a olive(ish) skin color and i'm almost entirely Irish.

Jerry Vazquez
Jerry Vazquez

At this moment as the world cup begins there is people from the Pri and Pan regime selling Mexico and its oil resources to the gringos. They are also passing new anti democratic laws. Doing this today and tomorrow during the wrold cup and during the time Mexico plays tomorrow.

Diana Duran
Diana Duran

I read an article in which the tan is the new way of letting others know that you are part of the 'leisure class' (e.g. I have money & leisure time to go out and get tan or play in the sun). Whereas in the past the opposite was true. This only applies to fair skinned people.

Nik Woods
Nik Woods

Can we change farmer tan to howdy tan? I approve.

Mick Slick
Mick Slick

Irish and the sun don't mix, hence my white ass avoids tans like the plague......

Francisco Gr
Francisco Gr

Try to get tan by going to the strawberry field, you'll get a nice one (plus some xtra bucks)

Lynn Maners
Lynn Maners

If a student gave me that explanation of human evolutionary biology on an exam, I'd give them an F. Well, maybe a D, if I was feeling charitable...or amused.

Jesse T Alberson
Jesse T Alberson

Hey, I just like going to the pool, as a result I get brown. I'm not making any attempt to be Mexican. I do that when I make carne asada, salsa, beans and rice.

Brainwashed_in_church
Brainwashed_in_church topcommenter

What's the ratio you see of Black Dude/White Chick couples to White Dude/Black Chick couples? About 69 to 1? Why is that?

When was the last time you saw am Asian Dude/Black Chick couple?

BillxT
BillxT

Early in the last century, only the wealthy could afford to travel to exotic locations and have the leisure to lay around on beaches. The tan acquired from these excursions thus became status symbols.

fishwithoutbicycle
fishwithoutbicycle topcommenter

So...how does a gabacha get into YOUR chonis, Gustavo? ;-)


razzberriz
razzberriz

@ocweeklysucks newsflash to you idiot...tanning is not synonymous with good health. Its synonymous with skin cancer. Get over yourself and stop being mad because a man of color did one of your female relatives and LIKED IT!

legallybrownvet
legallybrownvet

As Walter White said " Your godamn right". I am currently living down here and can attest to your facts about the high gas prices gouging the locals. No end inn sight i tell you. Fed up with this system of government. Violence is not what it is made out to be. What you hear and read about is merely drug related hits, american or not. But anyway agree with you 100%.

BillxT
BillxT

Well, there you're wrong, I qualify at a disturbing rate. The difference between me and other pendejos is that I like to believe that I usually understand when I'm being one.

And I wanted to participate in the in-joke, one of my favorites.

fishwithoutbicycle
fishwithoutbicycle topcommenter

@BillxT 

LOL. It is a funny joke. And I, myself, will be the first to admit I can be a pendeja at times...especially when I'm driving. The foulness that spews from my lips would make a sailor blush. =:-O

 
Anaheim Concert Tickets

Around The Web

Loading...