The Gals and Guys Every OC Native Has Probably Dated

An illustrated version of our infamous listicles from last year

So let us now celebrate bros: I've never met a bro who didn't have a steady job, or at least trained in the gym to make it big as a tattoo artist or MMA fighter or had an energy drink or clothing label to hawk. Most OC girls will give a bro at least one shot, if only because they seem like so much fun. But then they realize that other girls will call her a bro ho, and she'll become embarrassed and drop the guy. Poor bro. . . .

Thomas Pitilli
Thomas Pitilli

THE GUY WHO'S NOT FROM OC
It has happened with almost all of my gal pals—eventually, they get so desperate at the paucity of available quality men around here that they cast their conchas to better territory: up the 5 to LA, or down to San Diego. Maybe just to Long Beach. And there's always some guy they met at a festival. Cross-country, international. Better yet is the guy who didn't grow up in OC but just moved here, and thus he hasn't yet joined our men in loser-dom (and, yes, angry guys: I'm one of ustedes—hell, King Loser. Just read all of my pathetic date stories that I've worked into the paper over the years).

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21 comments
carlashworth
carlashworth

grew up North OC, the new East L.A.? graduated from CSUF, afterwards did time in UC Irvine. Though my heart yearned for regimented  suburbs of Irvine, Mission Viejo, even Aliso Viejo, my soul shriveled when I entered these city limits. Give me Garbage Grove or Anacrime anyday

sweetliberty17761776
sweetliberty17761776 topcommenter

we like his racism


his type will defend it as justice same way all racists of all races have done forever


and it means he is miserable 


the way all racists should be

Panglonymous
Panglonymous

This is making me sooooooo horny. I'd do these all again.

jmunoz0212
jmunoz0212

Great list, i love me some white-washed immigrant daughters.

penfuarts
penfuarts

Gustavo is the ultimate freedom fighter yo! Totally exposing all the corrurption in OC and making a difference in the Chicano world; PS. Want to buy some Weed accessories / Hookers / Beer?

jordanetodd
jordanetodd

And what about ravers? Wtf we're everywhere.

jordanetodd
jordanetodd

Where's the gay and lesbian stereotypes, we have plenty

liquidpixelz
liquidpixelz

This Santa Ana gabacho, married his spicy señorita from Costa Mesa and are living happily ever after...with 3 kids :P

Brainwashed_in_church
Brainwashed_in_church topcommenter

What about the Asian immigrant who drives a 1989 Camry, brings rice and beef to work in a plastic container, and has one of those red pagoda stringy things hanging from his rear view mirror? His entire wardrobe costs $69 but he earns $180K a year modifying anti-detection algorithms for stealth drones.

Or the Asian immigrant's son who drives the lowered Japanese car with the loud muffler device on it?

There's also the loudmouth east coast know it all transplant with his yankees or red sox hat [spits to cleanse the mouth]: "You coowl dese westawants? You chould see da westawants back in new yuwk".

Finally there's the bimbo who, after downing her 5000th bottle of wine, finally called it quits and and has metamorphosed into a self righteous Born Again complete with [pick your tax free] church bumper sticker on her red 1992 beemer.

ntcitizen
ntcitizen

Gustavo your feeble attempt to be funny is a failure and offensive. Your not so slick interjection of spanish into everything is isn't sly and only shows your contempt for anyone who isn't mexican. This is just another piece of dribble you are trying to pass off as journalism.

Lizz Jacobo
Lizz Jacobo

Hilarious! Some of these are spot on. I wonder if it took a group of people to get these together..

Jon Nguyen
Jon Nguyen

This is horribly offensive. Oh, the work of Gustavo the mega racist. Is he the one that flyered USC and UCLA? Colin Frost

sweetliberty17761776
sweetliberty17761776 topcommenter

@jordanetodd  


he's a lefty 


so he fears his homophobic attitude might be revealed which could reveal something else bout him


thats why he plays it safe and picks on whites

penfuarts
penfuarts

@ntcitizen You hit the nail on the head. By the way, want to fight the corporate white America, and uplift Mexico by subscribing to our wide array of Hooker/ massage services? How about a beer advertisement in every other page? Want to buy 420 accesorties?

Don't let Beer, pot, and hookers get in the way of our Freedom Fighting!!!

vivamehico
vivamehico

@ntcitizen  


hey, let me defend that beaner gustavo.. his jokes are funny if you are mexican... but then again if you are mexican, there's not much going on in your head except finding out where to get drunk and pass out anyway...so he has to keep his jokes at a certain level to entertain his mentally deficient primos

penfuarts
penfuarts

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees him for the Racist he is.

 
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