The Gals and Guys Every OC Native Has Probably Dated

An illustrated version of our infamous listicles from last year

The Gals and Guys Every OC Native Has Probably Dated
Illustration: Thomas Pitilli | Design: Dustin Ames

Last year, we published two listicles that immediately became some of the most-read stories in OC Weekly history: "10 OC Girls You've Probably Dated" and "10 OC Guys You've Probably Dated" are testaments to the fact that no matter how many dirty cops we expose, how many politicians we recall, how many pedophile priests we uncover or how many innocent people we free from jail—no matter what we do, y'all just want to read about getting laid.

So have at it, Orange County. We illustrated some of the guys and gals from each list, all archetypes of people almost every OC native have probably dated, whether gay or straight, Mexican or white, an old-timer or a newbie. Most of these are exclusive to OC; some of them are universal. Enjoy, and if you've never dated anyone on this list? You've got a lot of lovin' to do.

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The Gals

THE GIRL WHO WANTS TO GET THE HELL OUT OF ORANGE COUNTY
She's smart, funny, creative, wonderful, gorgeous, liberal—and she's trying her damndest to get the hell out of the hellhole in which she grew up, whether that means going to college out of state or moving to Long Beach/San Francisco/Austin/NYC/Anywhere Not Named Orange County, California. This brain drain has afflicted us for nearly 50 years, and you won't see her again until she's firmly settled somewhere better, doing amazing things, having the time of her life and wondering how pathetic you could be to decide to stay in OC.

THE CHRISTIAN
She could be Catholic or Mormon, but she's most likely an evangelical from one of the Calvary Chapels, or Saddleback, or Mariner's or Eastside Christian or even Newsong. Follows Rick Warren on Twitter, voted for Proposition 8, attended Fishfest with her office mates, serves as a counselor at Christian camp every summer—yet fell for your heathen ass. Regardless of her creed, she will not put out—until she does.

THE CLUBBER
Next to the beach babe and the Mexican, this is probably the oldest OC chica archetype. Whether she was wearing poodle skirts at the Rendezvous in Balboa during World War II, tripped on 'shrooms in Laguna with the Brotherhood of Eternal Love in the 1960s, danced at the Crazy Horse, patronized Club Rubber or Metropolis during the 1990s, slinked the night away at Sutra right before the Great Recession, or is still gloving at the Yost as we speak (even though its latest EDM concert ended two nights ago), this girl lives to club. She doesn't care about the music being played or even about you; she just needs a guy to dance with for this one song, and she will drop you as soon as a hotter guy (or better dancer) steals her from you. Upshot? She doesn't want a serious relationship, so she's probably the most fun lady of the bunch here.

THE ROCKABILLY QUEEN
In the 1980s, she moshed with you during Social D and Vandals shows; in the 1990s, she moshed with you during a No Doubt or Reel Big Fish performance. Nowadays, she spends her days primping her locks—sometimes Bettie Page, sometimes Veronica Lake—while counting the days until the next Hootenanny. Tattoos are virtually a requisite for her, as is a love of cheap beer, a working knowledge of Chevy engines from 1948 to 1973, and the ability to punch people as you defend her honor from other rockabillies after one too many Buds in the oppressive Oak Canyon heat. These ladies seem to congregate in Orange, Fullerton and Long Beach, and watch out with the ones in HB—they just might be neo-Nazis.

THE WHITEWASHED DAUGHTER OF IMMIGRANTS
Whether her name is Teri Nguyen, Carol Rodriguez, Annie Cheng or Ria Alizadeh, this girl's first name isn't the one on her birth certificate—she was born Thuy, Carolina, An or Darya. But at some point, she tired of playground taunting by classmates or classroom butchering by professors and decided to go by an Americanized version of her name. She almost always dates outside of her ethnic group, usually gabachos, sometimes to the consternation of her family members but usually with their approval because that family is also whitewashed. Girls such as this mostly live in Irvine, multicultural capital of Orange County, unless she's Mexican—in which case, SanTanaheim is where she roams.

THE MEXICAN
Whitewashed or not, dating a Mexican is not only a likely possibility for every Orange County male considering Latinos (more than 75 percent of them Mexi, mind you) make up nearly 40 percent of Orange County's population, but it's also our birthright ever since gabachos married the daughters of Californios when OC was legally Mexico. Dating a Mexican girl has been immortalized in OC literature: Victor Villaseñor's epic family saga, Rain of Gold, recounts how his mother dated a gabacho in Santa Ana, back when gabachos actually lived in SanTana. And the Righteous Brothers' "Little Latin Lupe Lu" dramatizes the joys of dating a spicy señoritaBill Medley (who wrote the song) says it was inspired by a Mexi named Lupe Laguna with whom he went steady while attending Santa Ana High.

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21 comments
carlashworth
carlashworth

grew up North OC, the new East L.A.? graduated from CSUF, afterwards did time in UC Irvine. Though my heart yearned for regimented  suburbs of Irvine, Mission Viejo, even Aliso Viejo, my soul shriveled when I entered these city limits. Give me Garbage Grove or Anacrime anyday

sweetliberty17761776
sweetliberty17761776 topcommenter

we like his racism


his type will defend it as justice same way all racists of all races have done forever


and it means he is miserable 


the way all racists should be

Panglonymous
Panglonymous

This is making me sooooooo horny. I'd do these all again.

jmunoz0212
jmunoz0212

Great list, i love me some white-washed immigrant daughters.

penfuarts
penfuarts

Gustavo is the ultimate freedom fighter yo! Totally exposing all the corrurption in OC and making a difference in the Chicano world; PS. Want to buy some Weed accessories / Hookers / Beer?

jordanetodd
jordanetodd

And what about ravers? Wtf we're everywhere.

jordanetodd
jordanetodd

Where's the gay and lesbian stereotypes, we have plenty

liquidpixelz
liquidpixelz

This Santa Ana gabacho, married his spicy señorita from Costa Mesa and are living happily ever after...with 3 kids :P

Brainwashed_in_church
Brainwashed_in_church topcommenter

What about the Asian immigrant who drives a 1989 Camry, brings rice and beef to work in a plastic container, and has one of those red pagoda stringy things hanging from his rear view mirror? His entire wardrobe costs $69 but he earns $180K a year modifying anti-detection algorithms for stealth drones.

Or the Asian immigrant's son who drives the lowered Japanese car with the loud muffler device on it?

There's also the loudmouth east coast know it all transplant with his yankees or red sox hat [spits to cleanse the mouth]: "You coowl dese westawants? You chould see da westawants back in new yuwk".

Finally there's the bimbo who, after downing her 5000th bottle of wine, finally called it quits and and has metamorphosed into a self righteous Born Again complete with [pick your tax free] church bumper sticker on her red 1992 beemer.

ntcitizen
ntcitizen

Gustavo your feeble attempt to be funny is a failure and offensive. Your not so slick interjection of spanish into everything is isn't sly and only shows your contempt for anyone who isn't mexican. This is just another piece of dribble you are trying to pass off as journalism.

Lizz Jacobo
Lizz Jacobo

Hilarious! Some of these are spot on. I wonder if it took a group of people to get these together..

Jon Nguyen
Jon Nguyen

This is horribly offensive. Oh, the work of Gustavo the mega racist. Is he the one that flyered USC and UCLA? Colin Frost

sweetliberty17761776
sweetliberty17761776 topcommenter

@jordanetodd  


he's a lefty 


so he fears his homophobic attitude might be revealed which could reveal something else bout him


thats why he plays it safe and picks on whites

penfuarts
penfuarts

@ntcitizen You hit the nail on the head. By the way, want to fight the corporate white America, and uplift Mexico by subscribing to our wide array of Hooker/ massage services? How about a beer advertisement in every other page? Want to buy 420 accesorties?

Don't let Beer, pot, and hookers get in the way of our Freedom Fighting!!!

vivamehico
vivamehico

@ntcitizen  


hey, let me defend that beaner gustavo.. his jokes are funny if you are mexican... but then again if you are mexican, there's not much going on in your head except finding out where to get drunk and pass out anyway...so he has to keep his jokes at a certain level to entertain his mentally deficient primos

penfuarts
penfuarts

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees him for the Racist he is.

 
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