By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
By Charles Lam
Last year, we published two listicles that immediately became some of the most-read stories in OC Weekly history: "10 OC Girls You've Probably Dated" and "10 OC Guys You've Probably Dated" are testaments to the fact that no matter how many dirty cops we expose, how many politicians we recall, how many pedophile priests we uncover or how many innocent people we free from jail—no matter what we do, y'all just want to read about getting laid.
So have at it, Orange County. We illustrated some of the guys and gals from each list, all archetypes of people almost every OC native have probably dated, whether gay or straight, Mexican or white, an old-timer or a newbie. Most of these are exclusive to OC; some of them are universal. Enjoy, and if you've never dated anyone on this list? You've got a lot of lovin' to do.
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THE GIRL WHO WANTS TO GET THE HELL OUT OF ORANGE COUNTY
She's smart, funny, creative, wonderful, gorgeous, liberal—and she's trying her damndest to get the hell out of the hellhole in which she grew up, whether that means going to college out of state or moving to Long Beach/San Francisco/Austin/NYC/Anywhere Not Named Orange County, California. This brain drain has afflicted us for nearly 50 years, and you won't see her again until she's firmly settled somewhere better, doing amazing things, having the time of her life and wondering how pathetic you could be to decide to stay in OC.
She could be Catholic or Mormon, but she's most likely an evangelical from one of the Calvary Chapels, or Saddleback, or Mariner's or Eastside Christian or even Newsong. Follows Rick Warren on Twitter, voted for Proposition 8, attended Fishfest with her office mates, serves as a counselor at Christian camp every summer—yet fell for your heathen ass. Regardless of her creed, she will not put out—until she does.
Next to the beach babe and the Mexican, this is probably the oldest OC chica archetype. Whether she was wearing poodle skirts at the Rendezvous in Balboa during World War II, tripped on 'shrooms in Laguna with the Brotherhood of Eternal Love in the 1960s, danced at the Crazy Horse, patronized Club Rubber or Metropolis during the 1990s, slinked the night away at Sutra right before the Great Recession, or is still gloving at the Yost as we speak (even though its latest EDM concert ended two nights ago), this girl lives to club. She doesn't care about the music being played or even about you; she just needs a guy to dance with for this one song, and she will drop you as soon as a hotter guy (or better dancer) steals her from you. Upshot? She doesn't want a serious relationship, so she's probably the most fun lady of the bunch here.
THE ROCKABILLY QUEEN
In the 1980s, she moshed with you during Social D and Vandals shows; in the 1990s, she moshed with you during a No Doubt or Reel Big Fish performance. Nowadays, she spends her days primping her locks—sometimes Bettie Page, sometimes Veronica Lake—while counting the days until the next Hootenanny. Tattoos are virtually a requisite for her, as is a love of cheap beer, a working knowledge of Chevy engines from 1948 to 1973, and the ability to punch people as you defend her honor from other rockabillies after one too many Buds in the oppressive Oak Canyon heat. These ladies seem to congregate in Orange, Fullerton and Long Beach, and watch out with the ones in HB—they just might be neo-Nazis.
THE WHITEWASHED DAUGHTER OF IMMIGRANTS
Whether her name is Teri Nguyen, Carol Rodriguez, Annie Cheng or Ria Alizadeh, this girl's first name isn't the one on her birth certificate—she was born Thuy, Carolina, An or Darya. But at some point, she tired of playground taunting by classmates or classroom butchering by professors and decided to go by an Americanized version of her name. She almost always dates outside of her ethnic group, usually gabachos, sometimes to the consternation of her family members but usually with their approval because that family is also whitewashed. Girls such as this mostly live in Irvine, multicultural capital of Orange County, unless she's Mexican—in which case, SanTanaheim is where she roams.
Whitewashed or not, dating a Mexican is not only a likely possibility for every Orange County male considering Latinos (more than 75 percent of them Mexi, mind you) make up nearly 40 percent of Orange County's population, but it's also our birthright ever since gabachos married the daughters of Californios when OC was legally Mexico. Dating a Mexican girl has been immortalized in OC literature: Victor Villaseñor's epic family saga, Rain of Gold, recounts how his mother dated a gabacho in Santa Ana, back when gabachos actually lived in SanTana. And the Righteous Brothers' "Little Latin Lupe Lu" dramatizes the joys of dating a spicy señorita—Bill Medley (who wrote the song) says it was inspired by a Mexi named Lupe Laguna with whom he went steady while attending Santa Ana High.