OC Holiday Theater Preview 2013

We Hebrew up our holiday theater preview

LONG BEACH IS SINKING. The Garage Theatre executes a holiday melodrama every December, and while we know nothing more about it, we can tell you its alternative title is Easier Than a Life of Injustice. And if there's anything the Jewish people know (before, like, they owned and ran everything), it's injustice. Runs Dec. 6-21. KOM METER: 7. The Garage Theatre, 251 E. Seventh St., Long Beach, (562) 433-8337; www.thegaragetheatre.org.

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET. You know the movie: Girl doubts Santa Claus exists. The Santa Claus at Macy's Department Store proves to be the real deal. Macy's was founded by a Quaker. Do Jews like Quakers? I don't know, but my mom traced her side of the family back to Quakers who freed their slaves in the 18th century, so they're okay in my book. Runs Nov. 29-Dec. 22. KOM METER: 9. Camino Real Playhouse, 31776 El Camino Real, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 489-8082; www.caminorealplayhouse.org.

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS. From Jericho to the West Bank, as a state, Jews are no strangers to conquering. Then again, no one this side of Laplanders has been as persecuted for so long and so adversely, so the warmongering might be offset by a minority group, Martians, being dominated by a North Pole imperialist. Runs Dec. 6-23. KOM METER: 5. Maverick Theater, 110 E. Walnut Ave., Fullerton, (714) 526-7070; www.mavericktheater.com.

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