For a fan who has listened to Nine Inch Nails for his entire adult life, addicted to the heavy, serrated synths and brooding imagery that compelled him to follow their every move, this was about as surreal as it could get. Only a few hours earlier, Youssef and his brother walked in through the back of the LA Sports Arena, peeping around the corner to watch Reznor and company rehearsing for their upcoming fall arena tour. It had been barely a week since the two had been among a packed crowd at the Troubadour, probably as intimate a gig as the band has ever played locally.

It's still a little unclear just how Reznor had heard about Youssef, but there are theories. Maybe he'd seen the column Youssef had written about shooting the band at this year's Outside Lands; perhaps someone in NIN's inner circle who knew of Youssef's situation and dedicated fanhood tipped off the right people. But on Aug. 29, just after midnight, Youssef heard a chirp on his phone that notified him of one of the simplest, most unbelievable messages he has ever received: "Trent Reznor now follows you on Twitter."

For the record, Youssef is one of about 200 people out of Reznor's more than 1.6 million followers to hold that distinction. Naturally, he was floored—and mystified. A day later, Reznor emailed Youssef directly, personally inviting him and his brother (also a huge NIN fan) to the band's ultra-intimate Troubadour show.

The band's team made sure Youssef and his brother had the best seats in the house. Following the show, NIN's tour manager extended another invitation their way, this time to spend five days watching rehearsals at the Sports Arena. So there they were.

"I was loaded up on medications in order to get me through the time spent there, as I was well-aware this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity," Youssef later wrote of the experience. "It never got old seeing some of my favorite songs performed back to back."

Whenever they dimmed the lights to rehearse their visually explosive show, Youssef found a way to sneak in tears of gratitude and dry them quickly before the lights went up. For a half hour every day of that week, he and Reznor ate lunch together, talking about everything from Breaking Bad to his resolve to battle cancer to the end. When it was all over, Youssef left with a signed Dave Smith Instruments Prophet 12 synthesizer that he'd bought from the band (for a steal)—signed by every member. It sits triumphantly in his family's home next to his favorite chair and his Apple desktop; when the mood strikes, he's liable to lean over and plunk out the riffs on "March of Pigs."

*    *    *

"This is the most difficult column I will ever write."

Those were the only words Youssef could think of to start his column on Sept. 26, barely a week after his oncologist's final bullet of sobering news. The new chemical trials he was taking as a last-ditch effort to cure his cancer hadn't worked. There was nothing else his doctors could do. It was recommended he seek palliative care, then hospice. The amount of time doctors predicted was piercingly vague: "weeks to months."

To reserve what was left of his emotional fortitude, he restricted himself to calling a handful of close friends and family to circulate the news, share tears and endure canyons of dead silence over the phone. The evening after his column was posted, his brown recliner sat empty; he went to LA to shoot a Depeche Mode concert.

For plenty of local media types, Youssef's fight has made him a folk hero. On the opening night of Depeche Mode's three-night stand at the Staples Center in October, he was mobbed by concerned colleagues anxious to talk to him. It felt unnatural; he missed the old thrill of slipping in, taking shots and disappearing before anyone knew he was there.

That night, he didn't want to talk about his struggle to carry his equipment or his muscles fighting fatigue, with Ritalin to keep him awake. It was about taking that perfect shot of moody front man David Gahan singing with his eyes open, something that rarely happened and would certainly make his gallery of photos stand out. It was about the thrill of having the best vantage point in the house to take in the precious moments in the presence of one of his all-time favorite '80s bands, possibly for the last time. Ironically, he says, it felt as if he were shooting his first show again. The adrenalin from that show fueled him through all three nights.

"I think Andrew just wants to be normal and do his job," says Timothy Norris, an LA Weekly photographer and one of Youssef's longtime colleagues. "Some of us, me included, are more interested in just getting home some nights. And I'm sure he is, too. But when it matters to him, he's staying. He's gonna make sure he hears that band."

Youssef is reserving his dwindling energy supply for a few choice endeavors, including using a pair of tickets to see NIN again in LA on Nov. 8. "He's planning to go and do another shoot," says Art. Though he fights to hold back his tears, his quivering, accented English conveys hopefulness and heartbreak. "He's still planning to go, and God help him. And we love him for it."

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Super cool blog (Amateur Chemist). What a joy to see those amazing concert photos!

Also, great article Mr. Jackson. Love the photo art cover Ms. Best. Thank You for sharing all of this.


Healthy people who are pissing their lives away should take note. THIS is how you live your life. Every moment is precious. You rock, Youssef.


Our prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.... thank you for sharing this difficult time with others.  As my sister is currently battling the same Stage IV cancer, the difficulties are over whelming and we can only hope that a cure for this horrific disease is not far off.  God bless you. 


A wonderful tribute to an extraordinary man.  I do not know Andrew personally but I have gotten to know him the next best way...through his mom.  Andrew, as your  journey on this earth comes to a close, please know that you will end up with the best seat in the house for every single concert of your choosing as well as all the LA Kings games.  Peace and comfort to you and your family.


Thankyou Youseff for sharing your life.   I do not know any family that has not suffered loss from this killer.  My past spouse, mother, in laws and more to come I am sure .

Most have handled this killer in very helpful ways trying to give to others all that they are able to give, just as you are doing.  So very proud of you for joining this group .  Trust we shall find a cure soon.   Trust that I could learn to be so positive and helpful should I ever have to deal with this killer.  Thankyou for your example and for being a role model .... THANK YOU AND MAY OUR HEAVENLY FATHER CONTINUE TO BLESS YOUR LIFE.


I don't know you, Youssef.  But you rock.  And you are beautiful and passionate.  Thank you for being utterly and entirely and wonderfully you. 


Really nice work Nate! A powerful tribute.

Stephanie Roske
Stephanie Roske

Very nice article of "one of us". Andrew could be any one of us and I am so honored that he shares his journey. Sending love and prayers.


Such a clear article. I was able to picture every part since I live a similar life style as youssef. I even wonder if I had bumped into him at a few concerts waiting in the pits. But I look up to people like him that continue to persevere to do more until ones last dying breathe gives out. Stories like these encourage us to do more, and be more because we really never know when we will go.
~~~R.I.P. Kimberly Illobre~~~


Seen the pictures,they are great pictures!!

Reading the story, I realize the  man is great. What a shame to have to loose you so early... Andrew,you left a beautiful mark on this world, for ever to be seen, never to be forgotten by anyone....

René Bruce
René Bruce

Like I said last week, have him go check Kanzius Cancer Research Foundation they are moving to clinical trials.. Google John Kanzius !!! He can be cured !!!


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