By Matt Coker
By R. Scott Moxley
By Charles Lam
By Nick Schou
By Gustavo Arellano
By Gustavo Arellano
By Steve Lowery
By R. Scott Moxley
DEAR MEXICAN: I have read (from the usual suspects and a few Know Nothings) that illegals can say a few magic words to get temporary, pending-review, asylum status. The reports say the illegals can claim asylum from drug gangs. My understanding is that fear of crime in one's home country has never been grounds for seeking asylum in the USA. So, these reports make no sense. My experience of the Mexican government's insufferable machismo is that it would go ballistic if we granted asylum to even one peon based on "government oppression." They would recall their ambassador, expel ours, and embargo the export of serapes and piñatas. Do you have any of the FACTS surrounding this brouhaha in San Diego?
DEAR BIG CHEESE GABACHO: Both the Mexican and American governments want to discount the threat of narco-violence as a plausible reason for refugee status for self-serving reasons—but look at the stats. The Internal Displacement Monitoring Center, which monitors the status of refugees worldwide, estimates that about 160,000 Mexicans have fled their homes, citing in a 2012 report that "the largest but least-acknowledged cause of new displacement was generalised [sic] drug-cartel violence and human-rights abuses, in the form of fighting between cartels and government forces, extortions, kidnappings, assassinations and threats against civilians." Not all of these Mexicans went up to the United States, but it's not a big salto in logic to surmise that some of those internal refugees want to go up to el Norte—and more will follow. And why shouldn't they claim refugee status? We give it to Cubans whose sole reason to come to this country is to play major-league baseball—nothing against that awesome Los Angeles Dodgers coño Yasiel Puig, mind you. . . .
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DEAR MEXICAN: Why the hell do Mexican parents want their kids to talk to relatives in Mexico when the kids don't know those people?
No Tia Goya Ni Que Ocho Cuartos
DEAR WAB: You mean you don't want to be introduced to the primo hermano of your bisabuela's yerno's madrina's ahijada's sobrina's madastra's third uncle once removed? What are you—a gabacho who has met his first cousin from Indiana only thrice?
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DEAR MEXICAN: As the summer draws to a close, I'm thankful, as that means the constant screaming of the kids in the swimming pool outside my apartment will cease. The parents drag the kids into the water when they do not want to go, and the older siblings and cousins then push the younger kids underwater and force them to do things they don't want to. The kids are SCREAMING and crying, and the parents sit by, laughing. I do not understand why fear is a part of childhood in Mexican families.
DEAR GABACHA: Fear is as much a part of a Mexican childhood as piñatas and drunken uncles at baptisms. It prepares kids for life in this country—sink or swim, with no rafts allowed (those are for the Cubans). When we throw our kids in the pool, don't forget they're surrounded by older siblings who know how to swim, who are in turn being watched by adults who know how to swim. We must be doing something right: A May 2012 issue of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report found Latino children had the lowest rate of drowning deaths of any ethnicity, beating even gabachos.
ernesto I think it has already hapened. Infact I'm not sure but I think that hundreds have already gotten asylum.
Without making a judgement call as to whether they should or should not be granted asylum (although I vote yes, depends), it should be noted that it has been granted to some from other countries for less. It has also been denied to those who truly are in some kind of danger or are persecuted for whatever, if they are coming from an ally country. The US does not want to make that country look bad and be offended, so they decline to recognize the issues that are driving the refugees. Mexico is our ally, so I don't think it will happen to any large degree.
No No No apparently The San Antonio Current doesn't carry your column anymore? I think you offended some gringos and instead they choose a column called Savage Love. Now that's a snoozer !! Anyways I told them about it and all I got was a response saying were not sure why we don't carry his column anymore.
I was thrown into a 6ft pool at a water park in Santiago maravatio gto mexico when I was around 6 years old. I thought I was going to drown but at the last minute my older brother pulled me out. good times lol
Lodge a NICE complaint with the editor, por favor! She's a friend and a good mujer, but I appreciate your love for the columna!
My question is why does the L.A. Weekly hate me and not have your column in it the past two weeks? Ask a Mexican is always the first thing I look for in the Weekly,.and when it's not there, my life has less meaning.
Read today's LA Times about the guy who passed the bar but can't be licensed due to his immigration status. No bueno.
Lol i always threw my son in the pool when he was little..thats how he learned 2 swim..just thinking of the faces he made & how mad he would get still makes me laugh haha
Hey Gus...when is the Tustin Zeppelin going to fly? I read this week sometime for a test run. That would be a cool thing to see.
Practically every kid who ever grew up in a maritime town or summered near the beach went through the terror of older siblings practically drowning them in order to get them to swim. I remember the trauma well, and have never quite forgiven one of my older sisters. But none of us ever drowned. This is hardly a Latino phenomenon, it's just common sense. In fact, my high-school would not grant diplomas to anyone who hadn't passed a 20-hour class called "drown-proofing". Clearly Confused Guera is a landlubber.