Why Are So Many Rich Mexicans Migrating to the U.S.?

[¡Ask a Mexican!] And is the United States turning into another Mexico?

DEAR MEXICAN: Why is it that people from Chihuahua and Monterrey are such jackasses? They come from pinches ranchitos and talk about their haciendas; they cross the border and act as if their cagada does not stink. Why do pinches chihuahuenses act as if they are better than us American citizens? They eat at all-you-can-eat $6.99 buffets and still want to take a plate to go for their abuela and primos and try to feed the whole familia. They stay at our hotels and treat the maids like rats, as if they were conquistadores. They speak loudly, as if everyone wanted to hear what they have to say—they are not E.F. Hutton. They think their putos pesos can buy anything. When you ask them where they come from, they start by telling you their abuelos are Spaniards and most of their familia are Spaniards, as if they are ashamed to be called mexicanos. The women, with their fake blond hair, wear their pantalones so tight that when they walk, their pants go up their puto culo. Please tell those cabrones chihuahuenses and putos monterreyes que cool down, that they are just as Mexican as the rest of us, and that they still smell like frijoles and are not Spaniards.

Hernan Cortez

DEAR GACHUPÍN: Nothing like some intra-Mexican hatred to prove that the idea of a Mexican nation united for Reconquista is as realistic as a Mexican government free of narco money! Your specific insults toward people from the Mexican state of Chihuahua (or, as they're known in El Paso, fronchis) and city of Monterrey (their nickname is regiomontanos) marks you as someone from Texas, as that's where the majority of immigrants from northern Mexico have landed. And the reason they act so uppity isn't so much because of where they're from, but rather what they are: ricos who have fled the chaos of their home states for the safety of Texas, where pompous, ostentatious pendejos are not only welcomed, but become governors and presidents, as well.

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DEAR MEXICAN: I'm a gabacha . . . kind of. I was born here, but my padres are mexicanos. So I'm a gabachacana. Anyway, my question is in regard to fixing my authentic mexicano's papeles. He's 23, and I heard that once you're past 18, it's harder to do it. He's never been in trouble with the law, he pays taxes, and he's a hard worker. But I heard that even all that would do him no good and he would need to spend, like, 10 years in Mexico. Now, I'm a patient person, but que chingado, man? I'm not gonna risk him meeting some paisana hoochie over there and having me wait a decade for him. So, what steps can I take to prevent such an atrocity? What would you suggest is the best way to fix his papers without the risk of having him meet some skeezer down south?

White Sox Winner!

DEAR GABACHA: While I'm all for people making up ethnic labels to describe themselves, gabachacana makes you sound like an apricot. The easy answer is marrying the chavo—you're still going to face a long process, but it's faster than waiting for the Obama administration to make Dios-knows-how-many deals with labor, the Mexican government and Republicans to offer a "comprehensive immigration reform" that's as comprehensive as a tortilla chip trying to cover a bowl of birria. Better yet, why not just move to Mexico with him? As I've said before, Mexico is the true land of liberty now, a libertarian paradise that becomes more and more appealing as technocrats up here try to game the system for themselves and make los Estados Unidos into just another Mexico–oh, wait. . . .

 
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25 comments
STOPTHERECONQUISTA
STOPTHERECONQUISTA

Why don't you reconquista ungrateful invaders just be 'americans'. Are you too good for the melting pot? Face it,....you hate this country and enjoy racial divide. you sick pukes.

Tim Mumzy Mummert
Tim Mumzy Mummert

You also forgot that Texas is a place where politicians go to pander to a society that they have little knowledge of, and seek to benefit themselves and their cronies with little desire to help that group.

TX_CRU
TX_CRU

what a bunch of intra racist idiots! You should uplift your people not bring them down. Considering where they came from they've earned their rights and deserve some respect.

Aileen Calor
Aileen Calor

since they are considered really goodlooking...

itchy
itchy

is it true you are related to ariel castro?

Marisol Gahbler
Marisol Gahbler

Gustavo great article as always. I really enjoy reading your columns since you always include that extra humor in your own and special way. It was hilarious reading about the gabachacana.... LoL... Me robo una carcajada la chabacana ;-)

Don Tacho
Don Tacho

Gabacha? Gabachacana? Isn't the spring of wabs just "chicanos" or "pochos"? I don't get it. Is this another example of wabs ashamed of their heritage? So, I guess is not only privileged Mexis but also pochos/chicanos. But I bet all of you already knew that...

Will Webb
Will Webb

its actually the 'nuevo ricos' that act out like this... whether from Monterrey, Chihuahua, Mexico City... creen que son la ultima Coca del desierto, and they are a general embarrassment to the Country...

Bethan Rafferty
Bethan Rafferty

I think this about people from San Pedro rather than all the regios lol

Aileen Calor
Aileen Calor

so people Chihuahuas are as loud as chihuhua doggies? they must be feisty too ;-) . Mexihuahuans

Andy Ryan
Andy Ryan

This is so true. There are so many of them here in San Antonio. They aren't like your ordinary Mexicans like my moms family. They look like they walked straight out of a Mexican Novella. European looking mexicans. And yes, they are loud.

Cynthia Ramirez
Cynthia Ramirez

lmao, freakin apricot!! yes, this is what i choose to hang on to from this post. :)

Daranajac G. Nerhanzed
Daranajac G. Nerhanzed

My ex-Boss was a gacha regiomontana, cool as a friend, bitch as a boss, and there's a Fronchi that I like, I didn't know they were called this, love the the columna as always

Ezra Frida
Ezra Frida

Soy de Cd. Juárez, and the people he is talking about is like you said wealthy and college educated Mexicans, most likely US educated. Most Mexicans are very ignorant about their own history, just like US Americans, and thanks to the imperialist and colonialist thinking and beliefs most Mexicans would never acknowledge their indigenous heritage, which it hardly is Aztec or Mayan. They firm believers of otherness, los indígenas son "ellos" yo soy peninsular puro. And they try their hardest to be and act "white" a woman who definitely looked she had indigenous heritage denied to be of native heritage. I know, I used to belong to that society until I learned my history and learned more on ethnic relations in society. Soy India y a todo orgullo

Jerry Vazquez
Jerry Vazquez

The hater from texas probably got there ass kicked and now hates all people from Monterey. I garantee that,that is what happened.

Marcia Coro
Marcia Coro

Im not Mexican, I didnt know people from Chihuahua were supossedly like that

Mrsixfivesix Alberto Wilson
Mrsixfivesix Alberto Wilson

fronchis in EPT are people from Juarez this come from the old license plates that read Front Chih...#PuroJuaritos!

GustavoArellano
GustavoArellano moderator editortopcommenter

@ANGSTROM And here come the trolls...given he's Puerto Rican and I'm Mexican, the answer is "Chinga tu madre" haha

 
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