How Can I Stop a Mexican Man From Courting Me?

[¡Ask a Mexican!] And why don't legal immigrants bash illegal immigrants?

DEAR MEXICAN: You mentioned in the past that your dad is against illegal immigration, but that's a voice you never hear. Why aren't the legal immigrants and legal aliens "vocally outraged" about the illegals who drive down wages, drive up housing prices, use government services, give all immigrants a bad name and are on the verge of getting amnesty for cutting in line? The illegal immigrant has very little effect on my life but seems to have a huge impact on the legal immigrant.

My Best Friend Is Half-Mexican


DEAR GABACHO: You don't hear the voices of legal immigrants in the illegal-immigration debate? Republicans trot those tokens out all the time—look at Marco Rubio. Plus? I can disprove every single point of yours—just buy my book for details! Finally? You say illegals have "very little effect" on your life, yet you took the time to rant while using legal immigrants as your cover to do so. That's like saying you're concerned for the Mexican janitor when complaining to management about how smelly your co-worker's caca stinks.

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DEAR MEXICAN: I'm an American girl who works at a diner with a lot of very attractive young Mexican men. Most are from the countryside, and only two claim to have been to a large city before moving here. I was constantly cat-called, whistled and winked at by everyone (including the boy whose attention I've been trying to get), until one of our cooks (and his friend) told everyone to stay off and that "ella es MI novia." He showers me with unwanted gifts and continually tries to walk me home from work, even though he lives in the other direction. I've been firm, but he still won't back down. He tells me he's the only man from Mexico that I'll meet who won't ever cheat on me or try to control me (I am very independent), that any other man from Mexico would not see a problem with sleeping around, and that it is romantic to continue to court and wait for a young woman even if she says no–so I should stop trying to stop him. He also sees no problem with our 11-year age gap.

My Spanish is quite good, but my understanding of the culture is minimal at best. I understand that the culture is still very macho, especially in the countryside, so I've tried to learn more about it. Everything I look up or hear is about how all Mexican men cheat, even though I know this is not true. Could you please explain this gap between our cultures? Is it truly acceptable to cheat on one's special other? Why is it romantic to drive a woman crazy?

Lost In the Gap

DEAR GABACHA: What you're describing is the culture of pretender, the Mexican courtship ritual in which the man is supposed to suffer at the cold shoulder (connected to the heaving bosoms) of his beloved for a long time, as best exemplified in the song "Tu Enamorado" or the Maria Félix-Pedro Armendariz classic movie Enamorada. Just roll with it! And be glad he hasn't brought back another Mexican courtship ritual—kidnapping.

My Voice Nation Help
Torg.T.Robot 1 Like

Thanks for mentioning kidnapping.  My grandmother was kidnapped when she was 14, then raped and impregnated.  Her brothers caught up to them and killed her abductor.  So I have one aunt who is half-sister to my mom and my other aunts.  As a teenager, my mom was threatened by a neighbor with kidnapping.  He said he would take her to him hometown in Mexico where no one could would be able to find them.

This happened to my grandmother back in the early 1930's, and to my mom in the 1950's.  I don't know if kidnapping a wife/servant/sex slave is still practiced in Mexican culture, but it would make an interesting article.

Joslin 1 Like

I'm not saying I'm gifted or anything but I created my own birth certificate with Photoshop

punkin2011 1 Like

He says he won't be controlling, yet he won't leave you alone even after you've told him no. That should be a clue. Give him one more chance, then talk to the manager.

bocajylime1 2 Like

Wow. So, unwanted attention is harassment. "Roll with it" is not the direction I'd go when being harassed. Kinda sexist man.

DonAlbertoDoyle 2 Like

Yeah, I'm with Burning Down on this one, Gus.  The guy's persistence sounds creepy, and "roll with it" was not among your better responses in this usually spot-on column.  I rather suspect the reader suggestion to humiliate him publicly is even worse.  "Complain to management", "call the cops", "get a restraining order", "file a labor grievance" -- these would all be valid suggestions.  But if twenty-five "NO!"s haven't done the trick, then this is NOT a situation any woman in any culture should roll with.


First she says she has been hit-on by everyone, until The Mexican says he wants her.  Now she wants to know more about Mexicans.

I had a similar thing happen to me.  Cut to the chase.  We'll be married our seventh year this August.


@rame_gra wow sucks to be you. You see hes true colors and it ain't pretty! Mexican men are very selfish 


First she says she has been hit-on by everyone, until The Mexican says he wants her.  Now she wants to know more about Mexicans.

I had a similar thing happen to me.  Cut to the chase.  We'll be married our seventh year this August.

you know what, gus, you are one pinche typical  flojo heuvon mamon cabron.  su respuestes es como un borracho pendejo.  tipico de un pocho.  Shave and a haircut...5 cents PUTO MADRE


No GustAvo is no pocho. 

He is puro pendenjo Mexicano. 

Pochos are civilized Americans. 

esoj1211 1 Like

It occured to me that maybe the cook in question #2 is throwing his weight around as the legal immigrant and the other dudes are illegal.

Sinduda 4 Like

" Just roll with it!"  there you have the Mexican's advice on dealing with vile workplace harassment borderingon stalking.  It also shows how pocho you've become.  The correct advice is to insult his huevitos in front of his male coworkers.  That will shut the little comemierda malcriado up.

theburningdown 2 Like

Or perhaps she's being sexually harassed in and around the workplace and should be encouraged to do something about it? She said no. Just because she's inquiring about the culture doesn't mean she's accepting of everybody's advances. She seemed to ask about it because she has another mexican guy in mind, not the cook, who is clearly not leaving, not backing off and seems to be in some position of power. This wouldn't fly at, say, Kinko's or some other more white collar job, why should it be okay at a restaurant? While she doesn't need to ask you if its okay or not, you aren't really helping with having her walk it off. Outside of this, I love the column.

Kerasi 1 Like

@theburningdown Absolutely. I've been in numerous situations with Latino men that have had me wondering the same things as this girl. Moreover, I have worked in a restaurant setting where the owner (a Mexican man) and all of the other guys that worked there (Latino as well) were constantly sexually harassing the female employees; I'm talking hands down your blouse, explicit sexual comments, grinding up against you...the works. We would get together and wax poetic about our situations in a makeshift sexual harassment support group. And I'm not saying that all Latino men are like this (and yes, I do date Latino men), but there seems to be a higher proportion of womanizing, cheating, and sexual aggressiveness toward females that I've encountered than in other cultures. I've began trying to understand it all myself, in the context of the culture and machismo; checking out books on the subject, talking to my Latina friends about their experiences (who acknowledge my feelings and admit I'm not alone in my observations), and trying to figure out how I have become, on numerous occasions, an unwitting participant in a culture filled with rampant cheating, sexual aggression, and male dominance. There are some great groups of individuals in Mexico and the U.S. that are aiming to change the cultural norms regarding the treatment of women and the culture of Machismo. Gustavo, maybe you can look into them and start giving better advice than "Just be glad you're only being harassed, not murdered."