Why Do Mexican Men Like Classic Cars?

[¡Ask a Mexican!] And why do Mexicans still bother with the United States?

DEAR MEXICAN: What is it about Mexicans collecting old cars? I have three Mexican neighbors with middle-class incomes, but when their old car or truck wouldn't run anymore, they would buy a nearly new replacement, then let the old clunker sit in the driveway close to the house or garage—hood up, radiator on the ground, flat tires, etc.—for MONTHS!

Flying With My Ford


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DEAR GABACHO: When my brother became of age, I lectured him on the facts of life. No, not sex, as that's for him to discover with cousins of his age watching Tube8 on a laptop (as opposed to my generation of cousins, who'd watch pornos on scratchy VHS tapes while our parents were gossiping during Carne Asada Sunday), but on what would make him a man: when he could afford a classic car. Just as our fathers and abuelitos in la patria weren't real men until they had a beautiful horse to call their own, modern-day Mexican males in the United States aren't real hombres until they have enough disposable income to afford a classic car, be it a bomb or boat. It shows you have money, you have taste, you know your way around an engine, and you have an investment you can sell in a second if you ever need bail money for some primo or other. We don't drive these often—you always need a dependable daily driver, as well—but a classic ranfla is so much better than the latest Lexus or BMW that every gabacho douche buys for his bit of conspicuous consumption. A la chingada con stocks: Nothing appreciates better than a '59 Chevy Impala convertible that stays in the garage 360 days of the year and is equipped with an air-raid siren, custom rims and a mural of an Aztec maiden on the trunk.

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DEAR MEXICAN: What's so great about the USA? War, bad politicians, Social Security gone, stereotypes, drunk driving, gang wars, scary public schools, no respect for anybody who doesn't want to live the way they live. I know my family members risked their lives so I could be born here, but I hate it. The jobs aren't that great, and there's crime everywhere. How is that any different from the Mexico they left? Is the American dream over?

Pocho Ready to Go

DEAR POCHO: As I've written before, at this point, the United States basically is Mexico without Aztec pyramids thanks to Republicans. Horrible violence (14,043 murders in the U.S. in 2010, according to The Wall Street Journal, compared to the much-ballyhooed narco-murder rate of 15,273 in Mexico that same year), an ineffectual government, stuck-up fresas who insist there's such a thing as "authentic" Mexican food—we've become Mexico in its worst manifestations. But is the American dream done? Not even close, as long as we have Mexicans and other immigrants who flee bad lives and want to improve themselves in the country where it's historically been possible. That's becoming harder and harder, of course—net migration from Mexico to the United States has been nearly zero for the past couple of years because of the Great Recession—but the dream will live on as long as we have someone crossing the desert in the middle of July, as long as we have fake passports, and as long as people willingly stuff themselves into cars for the opportunity to hear gabacho bosses bitch about how horrible life is.

 
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11 comments
Jaborah
Jaborah

SLOWEST THING IN THE WORLD; A BEANER FUNERAL PROCESSION WITH ONLY ONE SET OF JUMPER CABLES.

uberyook1i
uberyook1i

Why can't Mexicans and Naqqerz have children?  

They'd be born too lazy to steal.

Nick Digger
Nick Digger

Mexicans. If you can't stop the breeding infestation, then put em' to work!!! Learn to speak spanish & infiltrate their culture with the thought of financial gain "$$$$$" Cheap labor is the American Dream!!!

abrothman
abrothman

Oye, `mano: don't compare manzanas and naranjas!

Mexico's murder NUMBER of 15,273 is a RATE 13.52 per 100,000 population, which is THREE TIMES the American RATE of 4.45.

Yeah, Mexico is tres times as murderous. Just so we're claro.

Larry Winkler
Larry Winkler

Mexicans think their going to take America over, but don't realize that they will breed themselves into a financial downfall. I prefer to utilize the cheap labor that Mexicans provide! aka The American Dream "$$$$$"

grvz5247
grvz5247

This is Mexico ask Ullyses Grant, Abraham Lincoln or Representative Joshua Giddings.

Kevin Huerta
Kevin Huerta

WTF u mean y do Mexicans still bother with da U.S? fuckn White Racist OC Weekly writing this shit or what? Get da Fuck outta here with dat shit, Aint nobody got time for that! hahaah

bob.squalonero
bob.squalonero

Hola Gustavo!

RE:  The '59 Chevy Impala

You forgot one item in your description:  THE HYDRAULICS!!! ;-)

Vawlkee
Vawlkee

Hey POCHO, if you don't like this country, then why don't you leave?

InformedAmerican
InformedAmerican

the same economist that predicted the rise of BRIC nations (think China) predicted that MIST nations namely Mexico would join in as a major emerging market in the near future

by the looks of things, if we put up a fence on the border it'll be to keep the gringos out of Mexico, LOL

 
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