By On the occasion of our 20th anniversary
By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
"But Obama's better than Romney," he goes on. "They're both PORQUERÍA!"
He finally stops his rant, gets up from the crate, and approaches Alebrije's. "Can I have another taco de carnitas? I do like puerco." (Gustavo Arellano)
* * *
10:09 A.M. Obama is in fifth place at the white supremacists' Stormfront.com voting; Romney is the top vote getter, followed by Ron Paul and Merlin Miller. (RSM)
* * *
10:36 A.M. On the eve of an easy win, Dana Rohrabacher, who deposits a percentage of his campaign contributions into his personal bank account, nabs $9,500 in last-minute money from corporate PACs. (RSM)
* * *
10:49 A.M. Rush Limbaugh declares that "Mittmentum" rules the day and "this election isn't gonna be close." (RSM)
* * *
THE RIGHT WAY
11 A.M. At the quiet Fountain Valley church I've been voting at for the past four elections, this year I see the same sweet elderly ladies taking names and handing out paper slips, the same picnic table of assorted baked sweets and hot dogs (which were delicious), and the same line of locals politely waiting their turn to occupy an electronic voting booth, standing obediently and completely in silence.
I'm about four people back when an octogenarian with theatrically dyed burgundy hair, finished exercising her civil right, walks to the volunteer holding a basket of "I Voted" stickers. As she grabs a handful, she winks at him and says, "I voted the right way!" Then as she passes me, she grasps my sleeve and warns, "You better vote the right way, too, dear!"
"Yes, ma'am." What else was there to say, exactly?
I make eye contact with the volunteer holding the stickers. "As long as she believes she voted the right way, that's what matters," he offers. "It's the people who don't vote and complain about it that really get me."
He went on, "You'd be surprised how many people at my work don't vote at all. You know why? They don't want to get called into jury duty."
"I'm pretty sure you get called to jury duty anyway," I answer, pausing to emphasize my contention before adding, "and even if that were true, one obviously outweighs the other in importance, don't you think?
"Yes, I do," says the volunteer. "But a lot of people in this country don't think so." (Erin DeWitt)
* * *
REGISTER HUMOR, PART 2
11:15 A.M. OC Register "top commenter" Bob Holtzclaw writes that Governor Jerry Brown ordered two days of voting: Nov. 6 for Republicans and Nov. 7 for Democrats. Uh, okay. (RSM)
* * *
11:39 A.M. NBC in the Bay Area reports that an elderly woman who died in 2004 has voted in past two presidential elections. (RSM)
* * *
12:02 P.M. Irvine Representative John Campbell will crush Democrat Sukhee Kang tonight, but he grabbed $4,000 in last-minute contributions from real-estate special interests. (RSM)
* * *
12:20 P.M. On FOX, conservative Lars Larson says Obama "doesn't have a positive view of American, and neither does his wife. This is the real Obama. He's angry." (RSM)
* * *
1:30 P.M. Anita is fasting so that God will help Romney win. She is from Peru, but, she says, she is an American citizen, living here for 40 years. "The young people don't know what this country used to be," she explains slowly in a heavy accent. "It wasn't like this 40 years ago. Now, we have all this crime, homosexuals, thieves, prostitution and so many problems with the illegal immigrants."
She's standing on the side of Imperial Highway in Yorba Linda with her son's ex-girlfriend. She has printed a huge "Romney" banner and tied it underneath a sign for the 91 freeway. She believes that Romney will fix these problems and that lots of prayer and some fasting will help that come to fruition. Jenny, the ex-girlfriend, believes that Republican candidate will create jobs. She lives in Los Angeles and wants to be a singer but is currently unemployed.
Moments earlier, a cop car had pulled beside them. Although both women insist they've had no confrontations with anyone, someone must have reported them. Jenny explains at an equally slow pace that someone might have told the police Anita "was not feeling well." They suspect sabotage. (LP Hastings)
* * *
CAL STATE OF MIND
2 P.M. Cal State Fullerton is usually bustling with people handing out pamphlets, yelling about their beliefs and setting up booths for those beliefs. Yet today, the campus is full of commuters quietly walking across the campus with only passing murmurs of Obama vs. Romney.
Where are the people with megaphones telling me to vote? At least there should be someone trying to promote Proposition 30, the initiative aimed at helping the education budget. Nope. Nothing. Oddly enough, the only people with a legitimate setup, besides some dudes with a spinning wheel giving out free appetizer coupons, are the Pedals for Push organization:15 people riding stationary bicycles under two "easy-ups."
A closer examination reveals small pieces of paper with signatures hung up around the canopies. These signatures pledge to "end the use of the 'R' word" and "promote acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual disabilities." The "R" word? Doesn't rhyme with Romney. (LPH)