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[Ask Exene] What to do when your girlfriend unfriends you and moves across the country to Like someone else?

DEAR EXENE: I had been with whom I believe is the love of my life for more than six years. We had a great relationship and never had any major problems. We lived together and were engaged to be married, and we made a great team. She started using Facebook, and someone from her past contacted her; a week later, she says she has been unhappy for a long time (which I do not believe) and we are through. This guy lives out of state, and he sent her money for a plane ticket, and she is going to see him! I have lost my best friend, and I know I should be pissed off, but I'm worried about her, since this behavior is very uncharacteristic of her. I offered counseling; she declined. I wish more than anything we could fix this and be together, but it looks pretty bleak. I have not been bothering her or contacting her. I'm not a stalker or psycho. My question: Is there anything I might be able to do to win her back? I'm assuming she is gone forever, but how do you get over a huge shock such as this? My heart is completely shattered, and I just want her back or to get her out of my head. How does a person in my position leave and still look good?

Love, David


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Exene Cervenka is a writer, visual artist and punk rock pioneer. The OC transplant is the lead singer for X, the Knitters and Original Sinners. If you want to ask the legendary vocalist for advice—on your love life, politics, your musical career, filial relationships—send an email to askexene@ocweekly.com.

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DEAR DAVID: I am concerned for your girlfriend, and I'm wondering if she posted on her page that she was in a live-together relationship for six years? And if so, what kind of guy would be aware of that and, after a week, send her money to fly out to meet up with him? It doesn't sound like love; it sounds like she's using him to escape, and what his motive is, who knows.

Have you talked to her family and close friends? Do they think it's strange? Are they concerned? Do they know this guy? Did they know she was unhappy? If they are concerned, it's something for family and friends to deal with. It's best for you to move on. Don't torture yourself with why she did this. It wasn't the perfect relationship you believed it was. Over time, you will see why.

Love, Exene

 
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