Where Do Mexican Gardeners Throw Away Their Clippings?

[¡Ask a Mexican!] And do Mexicans eat chocolate?

DEAR MEXICAN: Why is it that every Mexican I know refuses to eat chocolate? My in-laws drink things I wouldn't clean my carburetor in. They fill piñatas with every kind of hard candy—but no chocolate! Mole doesn't count; it has chocolate, sure, but it's held in check by the chelating effects of a boiled chicken. I mean real chocolate—the kind my wife turns up her chato nose at. I bring out a bag of M&M's, and everyone backs away to the far side of the bar. I asked her about this on Valentine's Day. (I had to give her some strawberry something-or-other.) I told her that chocolate comes from Mexico, and yet no one in her family will go near it. Is there something her people hasn't been telling us? And she does that whistling-at-the ceiling bit. She thinks she is being funny. She is messing with my mind.

Have you noticed that Mexicans who refuse chocolate remain basically normal? A little slow to pick up the check in restaurants, but they are not drooling, bat-shit crazy. Meanwhile, white people—who named the Hershey bar after the site of the world's first nuclear meltdown—are disintegrating into madness? Jan Brewer sightings are rampant in Arizona. Orly Taitz was on the ballot in California. All of this, as civilization hurtles toward the end of the Aztec calendar; the Aztecs invented chocolate, and then vanished from the earth! Is it paranoia to speak of a coming chocolate apocalypse?

Concerned In Colorado

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DEAR GABACHO: Last week, while the Mexican spoke to a high-school class, a student asked, "What would you rather confront—a horse-sized duck, or 100 duck-sized horses?" It was a silly question, but it was okay for the student to ask it because he's a high-schooler. (The answer I gave, by the way, was the horse-sized duck—you never want numbers to overwhelm you. Just ask the American Southwest or those who defended the Alamo.) Your query reminds me of that pregunta in its randomness, except without the charm, insight or any sense whatsoever. Ever think your in-laws might be diabetic? Ever think they won't eat American chocolate, which is essentially sugar colored in cacao? Did you know the Mayas were making chocolate when the Aztecs were still living in the swamps? Chocolate is still huge in Mexico, but it's markedly more bitter, better and largely made in artisanal batches that vary in taste from region to region; even the biggest seller, Nestlé-owned Carlos V, is far better than anything you can get in the Estados Jodidos. Kudos to you, though, for working "chelating" into your question, although the only part most Mexicans will get is the chela part.

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DEAR MEXICAN: I commute a lot in the Los Angeles area and see many Mexican gardeners with trucks filled to impossible heights, piled up with shrubbery, tree clippings and the like—but where are they taking all this refuse? I have several theories. They are either driving around all day letting a branch drop one at a time until the truck bed is empty; they are scouting Dumpsters all over town into which they can illegally dump their refuse at night; or the piles of greenery are actually hiding a newly smuggled batch of illegals. Your feedback is most appreciated.

Mulch Man


DEAR GABACHO: No, we hide our illegals in fake trunks and scout Dumpsters to toss concrete into. And those gardeners are taking their clippings to a place called the "municipal dump," which I hear has the same address as your brain.

 
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7 comments
johnk9
johnk9

smh... they pile the stuff high because the dump or transfer station charges per tip.  So they load up as much as possible before dumping.  i hope there are compost options, but my sense is that the cost of composting makes it unpopular.

InformedCaucasian
InformedCaucasian

Thank you for the last response. Geez while he is riding in his white boy car please tell him to mind your own business. For the record they sell the stuff to white environmentalists who want to compost so they can keep their carbon emissions down. and yeah it is not personal just business. do a little research before you post stupid questions here. I shake my head at some of these stupid people who ask obviously rascist and demeaning questions. I am to busy looking at the fine latina women to wonder what some old sweaty guys in a truck are doing. Simple lack of priorities.

Goyimsquad
Goyimsquad

Orly Taitz is an Israeli Jewess.

Mexicans don't eat chocolate because their bodies favor complex carbs, like beans. That's why they usually have great strong teeth.

Guerro
Guerro

Have you thought that maybe those huge tarp covered bundles aren't lawn clippings but mota that they've grown in our national forests and parks.  Just like all those U-hauls and rental RVs aren't just moving and taking a vacation.  No te duermes.

DonAlbertoDoyle
DonAlbertoDoyle

Oh Gus -- you are usually so spot-on!  Carlos V sucks pene de burro.  Seriously?  I'm sorry, I'll take a Chunky any day, and twice on Domingos.  And those Symphony bars?  Or the Fran's bars, that they used to sell at Williams-Sonoma?  Nothing in Mexico nearly as orgasmic.  They simply don't do candy bars very well here.  The raw bitter chocolate is great, and it goes fantastically well in stuff like platano-chocolate brownies, nothing in America or even Switzerlandcompares for cooking.  My gabacho take on it, after three years in Qro, is that for grown-ups chocolate is generally something to drink.  But Carlos V reminds me of that fake carob they used to try to fool American kids with, calling it "chocolate-y".  I'm gonna have to give you a vote of No Way Jose on this particular (unjustified) point of Raza pride.

Rolleyes
Rolleyes

@Guerro Qué pendejo eres.

BillxT
BillxT topcommenter

 @DonAlbertoDoyle

 Hey man, I met a Mexican once that didn't like chocolate, so that ends the story.

 
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