You Got Balls

[Hey, You!] Taking the fun from a little dog's mouth

Box Brown


Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations--changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent--to Hey, You! c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at

You were the old man at the dog park who was stealing tennis balls I had brought for all the dogs to play with. You thought it was perfectly acceptable to sift through the 20 balls, pick out the best two—as though you were shopping for fresh produce—and then try to sneak them into your truck. When I called you on it, you said I got them for free, so they were up for grabs. They were donated by tennis players to be left in the dog park, not pilfered by losers such as you. I don't care that you said they were for your dogs to chew on later. If you are too cheap to go to Big Lots and buy a three-pack for 2 bucks, then get some moral fortitude and quit stealing things that aren't yours.