Barely Legal Summer!

[Summer Guide 2012] Our guide to living this sultry season on the right (and wrong) side of the law

Barely Legal Summer!

"Welcome to the insane asylum!" read editor Gustavo Arellano's email the day I was hired as the Weekly's editorial assistant. "What does he mean by 'insane asylum'?" I wondered. Every newsroom has its bouts of insanity: Fires break out; police officers beat the life out of homeless men; and reporters run amok asking questions, demanding answers and breaking stories.

But as I would soon find out, he wasn't joking. The Weekly actually is more insane than the average newspaper.

How? Let's begin with this very issue, our "Barely Legal"-themed Summer Guide. You will learn how to fool bartenders with a fake ID, how to get into a fight at Hootenanny and how to make your own absinthe—a licorice-flavored, highly concentrated alcoholic spirit previously banned from the United States because of its hazardous chemical content. Speaking of alcohol, I'd like to salute any and all readers who imbibe with this oft-repeated remonstration: Please do not drink and drive, or better yet, don't drive, then drink, because that implies you're doing the former to carry out the latter.

Point is—don't situate your drunk self behind any wheel. Even that monstrous brewery off the 57 South has a gigantic sign that clearly reads, "Think before you drink." 

And on that note—this goes out to that lady who called the Weekly's news desk with a "story" on how she was driving drunk and the police had the audacity to test her blood-alcohol level after pulling her over before she could kill someone. Look, missy, the only story there is your tortured line of thinking—that being caught driving while blasted is a story to begin with. If you, however, still think it's a story, then I implore you to learn how to make your own absinthe at home, when you're not driving.

I digress. Only a paper just deemed a "lively journal" by The New York Times would give you an infographic on how to break into a coin-op washing machine so that you never have to pay for laundry again, or print a map of the county's abandoned mines. If that isn't enough to disturb the good Samaritan in you, then read on to find out how to invade someone's private beach, host hidden dinners, bet on video-game tournaments, and so much more. Oh, and awesome profiles of OC legends Dita Von Teese and Todd Marinovich—and Chapman University's comely coeds come Undie Run time! This is our misaligned guide to summer fun, if fun means a robust dose of marginally criminal behavior. And if it does, then take this one line home with you: Please be safe.

And welcome to the insane asylum.

 

CLICK THE LINKS BELOW TO READ MORE:

* 'Strip Strip Hooray!' It's Dita Von Teese *

* Todd Marinovich Goes Deep *

* Todd Marinovich's Tips to Enjoying Summer In OC *

* How I Sneaked Out of a Huntington Beach PD Checkpoint *

* How to 'Test' Your Apartment-Complex Washer and Dryer *

* How to Get in a Fight at Hootenanny *

* Why So Nervous? The bouncers' guide to fake IDs *

* How to Make Real Absinthe *

* BarCraft: The Video-Game Version of Ultimate Fighting *

* A Deliberately Vague Guide to OC Mines *

* The Hidden Dinner Eat-Easys *

* Coastal Access Ahoy! *

* A Driver's Guide to DUI Stops *

* Chapman Girls (and Boys) Gone Wild! *

 
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1 comments
Economic Warfare Ins
Economic Warfare Ins

Barely legal summer. Go down to TJ hit the bars at under age laws. Come back to the states go to Las vegas pick up a couple fully automatic weapons and go out to the desert and shot them. make sure to sell them before you get back to crazy Democratic lands. Where gangsters have arms and citizens can't. Then fly to Canada where you can date a 18 year old girl on her birthday and take her somewhere she can be alone with you. Then after that go to a car track and rent a race car and drive 120 miles an hour. That is a barely legal summer.

 
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