By Adam Lovinus
By Lilledeshan Bose
By Gabriel San Roman
By Rachel Mattice
By Stephanie Zacharek
By Daniel Kohn
By Nate Jackson
By Mike Seeley
Who doesn't enjoy a beer-fueled brawl at a concert, especially when one is on the winning side? I once saw three dudes beat a man at a Crosby, Stills & Nash show—no, that wasn't a typo. With the 18th Hootenanny heading our way in July, you dickheads and dickheads-in-training have a great opportunity to show the world how to deliver and take a punch. Here's how to get your brawl on at the Hootenanny:
GO BY YOURSELF. A fantastic way to get the shit kicked out of you is to be a lonesome dove in the wolfpack. Hop into a pit, then let the elbows fly. Pretty soon, you'll have pomade-enriched blood running down your face while looking up at Sodapop, Ponyboy and Dally.
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PARK YOUR PRIUS. Between a hotrod and a Harley. Stand outside. Count to three.
SPORT YOUR FAVORITE ED HARDY SHIRT, AND ACCENT IT WITH FLIP-FLOPS. Man toes at a rockabilly festival scream, "Hurt me," and there are always plenty of dudes ready to oblige. You'll get a bonus beatdown if you stand around checking your phone all day while looking annoyed at everybody.
THE OL' STANDBY. Between songs, yell, "[Insert band name here] suck!" There are plenty of beds at St. Joseph Hospital of Orange to recuperate from the Hoot.
STARE AT EVERY TIT YOU SEE. Eventually, you'll strike gold, and Billy Boyfriend will walk up, a beer in each hand, ask Betty Boop to hold them, and apply his skull rings to your chin. Be sure to notice his grammatically incorrect knuckle tats: "your fuct."
THE OTHER OL' STANDBY: SPILL ANOTHER MAN'S BEER. Really, those 12 ounces only cost the guy $900.
you guys are no fun. No latino Rock a billies out there that still think that Che Guevara is a rock a billie. Come on lets argue I have studied Hitler Latino Che for a long time and his death squads killing Western Rock n Roll in latin america bands and church, along with major voodoo rings in Latino'a America. COme on no fun
commys don't allow porn, motorcycles, smoking, or religious secret enclaves of magical wonders. lol ruck a ruuu a commy
try and destroy my religion of magic and voodoo dam communist http://www.youtube.com/watch?f...
by the way for those communist arsewholes who hate rock n roll soviet types wearing che guevara over your hearts. I will be there sporting my tatoos on my harley with boots and my jacket on. With my crows in the trees and my hands in the crowds.
I always thought that the hootenanny was all about fighting. I mean what is the beer and mosh pit for. If you are not going to to get some skin through mosh, boobs, tongue, dancing, tattoo's, piercings. Then why go. I will be wearing a Senator McCarthy shirt on. With words on the back Senator McCarthy had a porn site. lol
I see nothing has changed since I used to go out to those things. This is golden and must be shared!
Well done. In one brief article, you have reminded me of why one should and should not go to another Hootenanny. Not the least of which is the exhorbitant beer prices. One nagging question: Where should I park my Prius?