How to Get in a Fight at Hootenanny

[Summer Guide 2012] In seven simple steps!

Who doesn't enjoy a beer-fueled brawl at a concert, especially when one is on the winning side? I once saw three dudes beat a man at a Crosby, Stills & Nash show—no, that wasn't a typo. With the 18th Hootenanny heading our way in July, you dickheads and dickheads-in-training have a great opportunity to show the world how to deliver and take a punch. Here's how to get your brawl on at the Hootenanny:

GO BY YOURSELF. A fantastic way to get the shit kicked out of you is to be a lonesome dove in the wolfpack. Hop into a pit, then let the elbows fly. Pretty soon, you'll have pomade-enriched blood running down your face while looking up at Sodapop, Ponyboy and Dally.

FLAUNT YOUR NEO-NAZI TATTOOS. The 50,000 chili-billies there (otherwise known as raza-billies or Latino rockabillies; almost all are from Anaheim and Whittier) will show their appreciation.

PARK YOUR PRIUS. Between a hotrod and a Harley. Stand outside. Count to three.

SPORT YOUR FAVORITE ED HARDY SHIRT, AND ACCENT IT WITH FLIP-FLOPS. Man toes at a rockabilly festival scream, "Hurt me," and there are always plenty of dudes ready to oblige. You'll get a bonus beatdown if you stand around checking your phone all day while looking annoyed at everybody.

THE OL' STANDBY. Between songs, yell, "[Insert band name here] suck!" There are plenty of beds at St. Joseph Hospital of Orange to recuperate from the Hoot.

STARE AT EVERY TIT YOU SEE. Eventually, you'll strike gold, and Billy Boyfriend will walk up, a beer in each hand, ask Betty Boop to hold them, and apply his skull rings to your chin. Be sure to notice his grammatically incorrect knuckle tats: "your fuct."

THE OTHER OL' STANDBY: SPILL ANOTHER MAN'S BEER. Really, those 12 ounces only cost the guy $900.

 

 
My Voice Nation Help
20 comments
Economic Warfare Ins
Economic Warfare Ins

what did I study this for you all just believe no discourse, Where is my yellow submariners.

Economic Warfare Ins
Economic Warfare Ins

you guys are no fun. No latino Rock a billies out there that still think that Che Guevara is a rock a billie. Come on lets argue I have studied Hitler Latino Che for a long time and his death squads killing Western Rock n Roll in latin america bands and church, along with major voodoo rings in Latino'a America. COme on no fun

Economic Warfare Ins
Economic Warfare Ins

commys don't allow porn, motorcycles, smoking, or religious secret enclaves of magical wonders. lol ruck a ruuu a commy

Economic Warfare Ins
Economic Warfare Ins

aint no self proclaimed ryda on wheels cycle or rat trying to take a darn bus or railway commy

Economic Warfare Ins
Economic Warfare Ins

by the way for those communist arsewholes who hate rock n roll soviet types wearing che guevara over your hearts. I will be there sporting my tatoos on my harley with boots and my jacket on. With my crows in the trees and my hands in the crowds.

Economic Warfare Ins
Economic Warfare Ins

I always thought that the hootenanny was all about fighting. I mean what is the beer and mosh pit for. If you are not going to to get some skin through mosh, boobs, tongue, dancing, tattoo's, piercings. Then why go. I will be wearing a Senator McCarthy shirt on. With words on the back Senator McCarthy had a porn site. lol

ageofknowledge
ageofknowledge

Hilarious. I might just go. I haven't seen anyone pissed on in a long time.

Bigleggedwoman
Bigleggedwoman

I see nothing has changed since I used to go out to those things. This is golden and must be shared!

Nona
Nona

Greasy poseur festival 2012. Where do I sign up?

Anon
Anon

Yelling "PLAY SOME SKYNARD" would probably have a similar effect.

Rayann Castro
Rayann Castro

Hey, that's my cousin in the photo LOL....good times.

debaser
debaser

Well done. In one brief article, you have reminded me of why one should and should not go to another Hootenanny. Not the least of which is the exhorbitant beer prices. One nagging question: Where should I park my Prius?

 
Anaheim Concert Tickets

Concert Calendar

  • September
  • Mon
    1
  • Tue
    2
  • Wed
    3
  • Thu
    4
  • Fri
    5
  • Sat
    6
  • Sun
    7
Loading...