Why Do Mexicans Like Roses So Much?

[¡Ask a Mexican!!] And why do a bunch of fair-skinned men rule Mexico?

BUY TACO USA! Gentle cabrones, my much-promised Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America has finally hit bookstores! Place your order with your favorite local bookstore, your finer online retailers, your craftier piratas, but place it. My libro editor has already promised to deport me from the publishing industry if we don't sell enough copies!

DEAR MEXICAN: How come there are a bunch of fair-skinned European-looking guys running Mexico? When I am in Mexico, I see them having power lunches in fine restaurants, driving Beemers, and escorting absolutely breathtaking women with long legs and high cheekbones. Who are these guys? How can I become one of them? Okay, the last question is silly, but . . .

Chico Amante

Details

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

DEAR GABACHO: Mexico has had a full-blooded Indian (Benito Juarez), a half-Mixtec (Porfirio Diaz), an Afro-Mexican (Vicente Guerrero) and many mestizos as presidents, and a Lebanese-Mexican (Carlos Slim) is its richest man; the United States de Gabachos has had one negrito, a Dutch cabrón, and a mick serve as president in a cavalcade of Caucasians. European power ¿qué?

DEAR MEXICAN: What is up with the broken-down coche in the front yard of almost all Mexicans and the rose bushes? Why the rose bushes? Do you get your Mexican card revoked if you do not fulfill these apparent criteria to be Mexican?

Pocho From Palmdale

DEAR WAB: The car is because the cousin who knows how to fix radiators needs to repair his first; the roses are in homage to the Virgin of Guadalupe, whom the legend goes ordered the Indian (another Mexi who runs Mexico!) Juan Diego to show skeptical Spanish padres proof of her existence. Juan Diego gathered rose petals in his cloak and dumped them in front of the culero clergy only to find an imprint of la morenita on it. Let's see an English garden do that.

DEAR MEXICAN: I came to this country from Mexico with my parents when I was 4 years old; I'm now 22. For some reason, my parents didn't try to file for papers for themselves when the process was as easy as making a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. I'm attending community college at Santa Ana College; as you know, I have to pay a million times more because of my  residential status. But when I first heard about this DREAM ACT, I thought it could be my savior, financially. Because of that same issue, I'm only taking two classes this fall semester, and it STILL totaled up to more than $400 with books and all. What exactly would the DREAM ACT mean if it did pass for students such as myself? What/who needs to make the MAJOR, FINAL decision for it to become a reality? What's the status of it at this point? And do YOU think it will be passed any time soon—or ever? Thank you.

Dreaming My Life Away

DEAR SECULAR SAINT: Your astronomical community-college fees are a result of bonehead administrators and largely independent from the question of citizenship. And I'll tell you and your fellow Dreamers the same thing I've been telling ustedes for years about your plight: keep the faith. Although the future seems hopeless, look at all the progress that has been made in just the past couple of years: the coming out of the shadows by so many undocumented youths, unafraid about pendejo politicians. The flowering of amazing artwork by Dreamers such as Julio Salgado, the Mexican's former intern whose posters have drawn national acclaim and are at nearly every Dreamer rally. The pushing into the national debate about the issue. Sure, Know Nothings will try their damnedest to stop Dreamers and other undocumented folks from ever attaining citizenship, but the war is already won; it's just the rest of the country that's now realizing this. Again: keep the faith.

 
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21 comments
Trinidad Waterman
Trinidad Waterman

Juan Diego gathered rose petals in his cloak and dumped them in front of the culero clergy only to find an imprint of la morenita on it. Let's see an English garden do that.

1818simax18
1818simax18

where can you eat good mexican food in glendale, ca.

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1818simax18
1818simax18

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Sal Ruibal
Sal Ruibal

Great to see you in the Gabacho New York Times! I used to work at USA Today (the most colorful newspaper) and we talked about immigration and other stuff. I still live in Virginia and still can't get a decent plate of chile verde. I'm now writing for BIKE magazine.

micky9finger
micky9finger

Congratulations: Saw the Mini, one sentence, review in the New York times.Neeewww Yooork?

Bill T.
Bill T.

Why do we need to put money in to educate our young folks? There's plenty of money to put them in prison later on when they've been excluded from the legit job market.

I really don't care in the end whether a kid is the son or daughter of an illegal, undocumented or whatever. They're here, they're going to be here.

We can get them educated and contributing to the prosperity of our country or we can marginalize them. It's our choice, and I'll choose pragmatism over jingoism any day of the week. This is actually a problem not limited to that community, it's true to a greater or lesser extent to all of our disadvantaged population. The state provided my education at a time when it was still affordable to the student and I've repaid that investment many times over.

Oh, by the way, I have a ton of roses in my yard too, so what? Boy, those Mexicans sure do love beauty, um, I fail to get it.

Listen2
Listen2

No, Gustavo, the war is not already won. Not as long as Hispanic citizens don't go to the polls and vote, not as long as they don't write their city councilman, state representative, state senator and the rest of the self-serving politicians in Washington. If you want to win this battle, you have to get out a vote, you can't sit complacent and wait for somebody else to do the heavy lifting for you. Those of you who can't vote, you can go out and march and stop carrying around the Mexican flag and ensure you replace it with the American flag, because America is the country where you want to belong.

Don Alberto Doyle
Don Alberto Doyle

Mexicans can't hold a candle to that great swath of whiskey-tango meth-monkey stretching from Atlanta to Omaha. I drive cross-country on regular basis, and lemme tell ya, ain't a single gap-toothed inbred grade-school drop-out asshole in Dixie who doesn't have a half dozen rusted heaps as lawn ornaments.

If you wondered what happened to the Gremlins and Pacers and K-Cars, just drive through Alabama and Tennessee, where neither homo sapiens sapiens nor the tow truck has yet to evolve.

Grvz5247
Grvz5247

Gustavo I used to always wonder why a street in Mexico had the name of Batallon de San Patricios. I used to wonder why I saw white, red headed freckled Mexicans. One of the reasons is because of the Irish and Americans that defected from the Yankee army and joined the Mexican army during the war. This was the largest amount of soldiers to ever defect from one army to join another. Que viva Saint Patrick's Batallion! No wonder Mexicans like irish wisky so much.

Ihateusc
Ihateusc

here's my advice to the illegal student.. major in chicano studies, then brown nose your way onto a free rag, rise up to the top of the company (by that, i mean you will become one step higher than maria the cleaning lady) and then you can cuss out people as part of your job!! lol

micky9finger
micky9finger

Sorry that was in sunday's magazine on page 11- the one page magazine- the one sentence book review."More a history of America than Mexico; why quesadillas made it so big."Well yeah.

Robert Mueller
Robert Mueller

La raza votes in the lowest percentage of any ethnic group. Even when they give out tamales the turn out is tiny. So much effort is put out to court the largely non-existent latino vote.

Bill T.
Bill T.

Really, this is a side of the history I wasn't aware. Do you know of an original source I can read?

RedHabanero
RedHabanero

Aye, probrecito USC gabacho. Did you have bad taco yesterday?

gustavoarellano
gustavoarellano

Better yet: be an affirmative-action baby like ihateusc and live a miserable life brought upon by being beat up by Mexicans every day because he's a wimpy chinito!

Ihateusc
Ihateusc

lol... so predictable gus... weren't you the one that got dumped by some asian chick bc her parents thought you were scum? seems to me you are the one that has issues with his past.... but then again, its so much more fun to press your buttons... keep up the good work!!! hahaha

Satya Amrit
Satya Amrit

My advise on getting through college with an undocument status since that was my own situation. I was able to pay off my student expenses through scholarships. There are many private institutions/organizations that provide such assitance (w/out legal status requirements)....just look for them. Also, although I could not stay in the US due to my status, I am much more competitive in my own country in the job market since I have my US education and am bilingual; so do what you can to get your degree. I agree, keep faith you can at one point adjust your status; but heck, if the US is stupid enough not to embrace you, maybe you can make a much bigger difference in your own country were more educated people are needed.

gustavoarellano
gustavoarellano

Press buttons? I get paid to fuck with lunatics like yourself; what's your excuse? And that chinita? She's some hippie scum; shows how much your kind know about Mexis haha

 
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