Why Do Mexicans Paint Murals on Lowriders?

[¡Ask a Mexican!] And why do they love scratch-off Lotto tickets?

BUY TACO USA! Gentle cabrones, my much-promised Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America has finally hit bookstores! Place your order with your favorite local bookstore, your finer online retailers, your craftier piratas, but place it. My libro editor has already promised to deport me from the publishing industry if we don't sell enough copies! Stay tuned for book-signing info!

 

DEAR MEXICAN: Why do Mexicans with lowriders have murals on their hoods and trunks/tailgates? And how come they always have waterfalls and half-naked chicks as part of the mural?

The Crazy Filipino

DEAR CHINITO: First off, gracias for not telling the tired lowrider joke that goes like this: "Why do Mexicans drive lowriders? So they can cruise and pick strawberries at the same time." Or "Why do Mexicans drive cars with small steering wheels? So they can drive while wearing handcuffs." All jokes aside, the use of murals on lowriders is further proof of Mexican assimilation into this country. The art, of course, comes from Mexico's proud muralist tradition, which you see in Mexican neighborhoods across America. Their placement on cars comes from kustom kulture, born in Southern California and freely mixing with Mexican traditions from the 1950s onward. Half-naked chicks? Like you have to ask! And, frankly, Mexicans cannot stand to see any flat surface unadorned, whether it's with a mural, graffiti, quinceañera pictures, Virgins of Guadalupe or the occasional college diploma.

 

DEAR MEXICAN: What's the deal with Mexicans and scratch-off lottery tickets? Is it the lure of the instant gratification of the $2 return on their $10 investment, or is it because they're afraid immigration might be waiting outside the office when they try to cash the Lotto ticket? Honestly, it has been years since I've seen anyone but Mexicans buying those sorry excuses for a gambling opportunity.

Learn Other Temptations

DEAR GABACHO: The only comprehensive survey involving the racial and ethnic demographics of lottery players is one compiled by the University of Houston's Hobby Center for Public Policy. In its 2010 report, it found that while the percentage of Hispanics who played scratch-off lotto tickets didn't vary significantly from gabachos (55.6 percent of Mexis surveyed played, while a whopping 72.2 percent of negritos did the same), the median amount of dollars spent per month by Mexis was much higher than everyone else: $8.50, as opposed to five bucks for gabachos y negritos alike. The Hobby Center's study unfortunately didn't offer any explanation for the discrepancy, although other lottery researchers have determined that Mexis prefer scratch-off tickets because of the low cost and easy availability in convenience stores. Wish I had a rejoinder to that, so instead I'll offer another lowrider joke: "What did the lowrider say when the house fell on him? Get off me, homes!"

 

CONFIDENTIAL TO: The Albuquerque idiot who has called libraries and bookstores where I've been doing signings, demanding they cancel my events because my column is supposedly racist. Pendejo, if the Anti-Defamation League laughed you off, you think anyone else is going to take you seriously? The only people who want this column gone are Know Nothings and neo-Nazis. Become a productive member of society: Buy many copies of my books and donate them to the underground libraries being set up by the Librotraficante (www.librotraficante.com), who gladly traffics in my libros and those of other seditious writers. And then go get a blowjob.

 
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23 comments
David Vandyke
David Vandyke

Wish I had a rejoinder to that, so instead I'll offer another lowrider joke: "What did the lowrider say when the house fell on him? Get off me, homes!"

IndiosMejicanosApestosos
IndiosMejicanosApestosos

Dear Mexican: We've captured one of your brethren throwing used diapers on our front lawn and we've decided to forcibly bathe it ..er ..I mean 'him' as punishment, but we fear the SHOCK of being subjected to soap & water might kill it ...er ..again ..I meant 'him'.

Any suggestions?

Bill T.
Bill T.

How's your niece/daughter? Showing any effects of the in-breeding yet?

Bill T.
Bill T.

BTW, that would be grand daughter/daughter. Why am I not surprised you didn't get it ....

dan
dan

well, with the preponderance of mexicans raping minors, dont you think it's more likely that your daughter is also your wife?

Listen2
Listen2

Gustavo, why do so many individual ask dumb questions in your column, or, do you just post the most dumb?

Judy Barcenas
Judy Barcenas

this is why i like you straight forward and to the point ,you always keep me laughing .If you were my age good looking and w/ a nice bod i would seduce you . Until then fellow gifted mexican I look forward to reading your magnetic column that i am so attracted to .

Bob Squalonero
Bob Squalonero

Hola Gustavo,

This isn't so much a lowrider joke, but years ago in high school, I remember a few know-nothing gabachos, who used to make a comment to the effect that cruising, is a racing contest between Mexicans, to see who could drive their lowrider the slowest.

I haven't heard that one in nearly 30 years and I'm wondering if you've heard it recently, or variations on it.

David Sholts
David Sholts

"Mexico's proud muralist tradition", Diego Rivera embodied that tradition, he's always been an inspiration for me.

Stife
Stife

The writer doesn't take criticism well. Resorting to name calling ,which is a childish playground behavior, shows immaturity. A therapist's couch may serve him well to look into this. It would help to uncover those dark ugly facts of growing up feeling less than which translates into being grown up and STILL feeling less than. Get some help. Can't find your book yet, still looking.

Grvz5247
Grvz5247

The definition of the word Gringo.There is 3 diferent definitions of the word Gringo out there, but I like one the most. Guees which one.

1. When rangers would cross into Texas before the united states stold it, Mexican farmers would tell them to get out of there land. The Mexican farmers would look at there green uniforms point to oklahoma and tell the rangers Green Go.

2. The definition of the word Gringo in some dictionaries is a person who came from a very FAR AWAY place.

3. However my favorate definition of the word Gringo is what the word means in the Mexica language. Gringotl = ijo de la Chingada!

Rame_rio
Rame_rio

Necesitas saber la lengua!

Paul
Paul

Dear Mexican: You tell the Albuquerque Idiot up above to "go get a blowjob". This is incorrecto; surely you meant he should go GIVE a blowjob!

Muchas gracias.

Guest
Guest

Whats over 1 mile long as has an IQ of less than 100. The cinco de mayo parade!

Guest
Guest

In the spirit of the jokes, of course. :-) Not meant to be offensive

TheRefriedMexican
TheRefriedMexican

Why does Gus Arellano refry his beans? You ever heard of a Mexican doing something right the first time? [In the spirit of the jokes, of course. :-) MEANT to be offensive anyway]

Ihateusc
Ihateusc

man, its worth sorting through the daily mexican perv articles to get those mexican jokes.. hey gus, can u have a new column just for ethnic jokes? here's a new one- what do u call a mexican with an 80 IQ? El Presidente!!

AC20850
AC20850

NO Gooks allowed on this site asshole! Shove your Shanghai "Med" degree up your slanty ass and flip yourself over the Great Wall of Filth. That way you can re-unite with your filthy family members and the countless billion other Gooks on THAT side of the world! heh heh....PEACE, OUT!

gustavoarellano
gustavoarellano

Go back to abusing your kids with your hate, you pitiful excuse for a doctor. Methinks I'm going to find your IP and report you to the Medical Board...

Dave Lieberman
Dave Lieberman

Q: Why are Mexican jokes always so stupid?

A: So gabachos can understand them.

Ergo
Ergo

How many pregnant latinas pushing strollers does it take to scratch off a Lotto ticket?

None, she has the two year old do it.

 
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