Bike Nazi

[Hey, You!] If my big bare head is wrong, I don't want to be right

Box Brown

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Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations--changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent--to Hey, You! c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.

You're the lady in the fancy cycling gear who rode past me and my kids on the bike trail and yelled right in my face, "Where's your helmet?!" The two matching comrades at your sides thought it was so funny they actually wobbled a bit on their perfectly balanced, ultra-impressive racing bikes. You people consume the roadways and paths of Irvine every weekend, so I already have waning patience with you. On top of that, I know what I look like: I'm a fat guy on a purple girls' bike that I borrow from our oldest daughter so I can ride with my two smaller children, who both have bicycles and helmets to go along with them. I'm all the way over to the side, so the only way a crash is going to happen is if you aim for me and run me over. Perhaps you're concerned for me more generally, in case—oh, I don't know—a coyote leaps out of the bramble and attaches its pearly white teeth to my bare head, mistaking my ear for a chewy piece of bacon? Rather than harass me because I'm not a member of your fucking pack, why don't you slow down a bit as you zoom past my little kids, or would that interfere with the big race that's going on inside your head?

 
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14 comments
Joegofish
Joegofish

You can die from a head injury going 1 mph. Bikes just improve the chance. Wear a helmet and be a good role model for your girls and save them from watching fat daddy go to the ER..

Zan Tanderpost
Zan Tanderpost

My thoughts are this "woman" is a liberal, she is demanding you do it her way because liberals believe they know better. liberals believe they can and will control us and how we do things. her statement was a demand. A small broom handle in the front spokes may do the trick, by the time they come "to" you can be long gone. (a pun)

Maybe the spandex is pushing her nuts together too tight. i would guess the man in her house doesn't have any, or the seat wasn't just rubbing her the 'right' way at that moment if you know what I mean, after all why do you think so many women "love" to ride bikes and horseback ride.?

Tbplayer
Tbplayer

You never know what's going to cause you to crash or fall. Protect your noggin. Make sure your children have a daddy who can provide for them growing up. Don't get mad at the helmet advice. Take it.

Sarino
Sarino

"the only way a crash is going to happen is if you aim for me and run me over", say's who? What if someone is walking thier dog without a leash and it sees a bird or squirrel or can and bolts for it right in front of you? What if there are a bunch of teen-agers not paying attention to anything other than themselves and they decide to take off running without looking and your 'in thier way'? What if you it a broken bottle hidden in some leaves or garbage or such and it slashes your front tire which causes it to go flat in 2 seconds? I've had situations like this happen to me over the years, and while I didn't always go down sometimes I did. And the time a deer ran in front of me and I hit it, causing me to go over the handlebars, was a time my helmet was destroyed and I wasn't even knocked out. Without it I'm sure I would at least have ended up going to the hospital with a concusion.

Children think they are so smart nothing will happen to them, that's why they had to make a law to make them wear a helmet. Adults are supposed to be smart enough to figure out $30 of protection can save your intelligence, and your job, and your ability to be a dad.

Sergio Andrade
Sergio Andrade

Not on her defense but I have witnessed several times almost accidents happen because people riding or walking on the left, parents not paying attention to their kids riding in the middle lanes, and I could go on but the point is that a little education and respect from all parts could make a big difference!

chuck
chuck

they do that on the shoreline bike path in Long Beach,Ca., if ya wanna go that fast, use the street, right?.. isn't the speed limit like 5 miles an hour on those trails?..all these spandex wearing wannabes, they suck....

Bill T.
Bill T.

willing to maybe look a little ridiculous to spend some quality time with your kids, my kinda guy.

FishWithoutBicycle
FishWithoutBicycle

Way to contribute to the discussion...with a pointless rant degrading women! The cyclist's gender is completely irrelevant in the above scenario...but you just couldn't resist taking a jab (pun intended) at the female gender, huh? And please shut up about how liberals are forcing their agenda on everyone...it's the conservatives who want to dictate whom I can marry and what I do with my own womb!

909Jeff
909Jeff

I'm a Mt Biker and sometimes we will ride the hills then hop on the river trail to go grab some lunch or go to a buddies house and they are assholes to us also, since we cant go as fast.

And no I don't wear spandex. Although, I have entertained the thought of running a triathlon which would probably necessitate the use of spandex. I think thats whats holding me back.

 Zan Tanderpost
Zan Tanderpost

Here's the problem fishy, pay attention as i will not repeat myself. first it's pervs getting married, then they will want to adopt children . We have to protect children from living in homes with people that have abnormal behaviors. We don't want children growing up and mimicking what they may see in the home. Your behavior needs to stop, i would suggest psychotherapy, good luck.

Dave Lieberman
Dave Lieberman

I'm a bicycle commuter and a recreational bicyclist whose pace is less Tour de France and more Tour de Better Homes and Gardens. The Lycra-clad speed demons piss me off, too... especially when they decide that instead of swallowing their spit like EVERYONE ELSE IN THE CIVILIZED WORLD, they need to send it hurtling backward as a 20-mph projectile.

And do not get me started on the Critical Mass people.

FishWithoutBicycle
FishWithoutBicycle

Hmm...so because I object to your irrelevant diatribe against the female gender this makes me a lesbian (read "man-hater") and a "pervert" who revels in corrupting children. Did you get that straight out of the "Red Herrings 101" handbook? I would much see a child raised by two people of the same gender in a loving, positive relationship than a hetero couple in a dysfunctional one. You are setting a terrible example for children with your bigotry...I would suggest not reproducing. I'm not having kids because I would never subject a child to a world full of nasty, intolerant folks like you. So, who doesn't respect children, again?

chuck
chuck

critical mass is an effort to let people in the car driving community be aware of bicyclists, yes, most of the participants are kids on fixies, and they think of the mass as a one big rage of a bike ride......

909Jeff
909Jeff

True dat!

I look forward to this if they can pull it off and hopefully in includes the Garey and 2nd street area known as the Arts Colony and Antique Row which is where the Glass House and Fox Pomona are at. There are some good Mexican restaurants and Panaderia's and interesting little shops down there.

http://www.dailybulletin.com/c...

 
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