Why Won't Mexican Families Acknowledge Their Gay Children and Partners?

[¡Ask a Mexican!] And are the narco-wars really a revolution?

DEAR MEXICAN: I read in your book that Mexico is due for a revolution about every 100 years or so. The last one was in the first part of the 20th Century, and you wrote they are about ready for another one. Do you think the drug war presently being fought between the cartels and the Mexican government is actually just a revolution being funded by drug money? Some of the other analysts I work with think it is, and others think it's not. Since you seem frank about all things Mexican, what do you think?

The Ugly American

DEAR GABACHO: Scary how prescient I was, ¿qué no? You'd think I was Mayan! My ¡Ask a Mexican! book came out in 2007, and that particular respuesta to a question dates back to 2005. And while the tens of thousands of dead, the hundreds of thousands of Mexicans forced from their homes by the narcoviolence, and the millions of dollars spent to fight the multibillion-dollar drug industry seem like a revolution, there are no politics involved with the drug cartels—just plain and simple capitalism taken to Hayekian extremes. You'll probably see a revolution in the ballot box next year, as Mexican voters will no doubt toss the National Action Party (PAN) out of office and go back to the Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI), which ruled Mexico for more than 70 years, showing the only real result of Mexico's centenary revolts remain the same: Meet the new jefe, same as the old boss.

 

DEAR MEXICAN: I am an openly gay Jewish man; my partner is Mexican-American. My family talks about our relationship with me all the time; his family doesn't discuss a word about it. We've been together two years, and it has never even been acknowledged! Why is this so common with Mexicans? I don't understand how his family can act like it doesn't exist. Of course, I don't bring it up, either. I play the in-the-closet game with them. I am too afraid to say anything that will hurt our relationship. Any suggestions or experience with this?

Oy Vey With the Homophobia

DEAR HEEB: You didn't reveal enough info. Is your partner out to his familia? Have you talked to him about your discomfort? Are you in a serious relationship? You might think so, but does your partner? There definitely might be a cultural component to your partner's shunning of you: The Mexican has scores of gay primos whose orientation is never discussed at birria Saturdays and carne asada Sundays because the older generation simply doesn't like jotos and is in denial that some of its beautiful progeny are full-fledged mariposas, not the homoerotic hombres they're expected to become. But the Mexican also knows of many old-school families who openly embrace their gay sons, daughters, nephews, nieces and the like. It could honestly be the family is trying you out to see if you're worthy of their son—shit, my papi didn't acknowledge my now-brother-in-law until a good five years into his courting of my sister, and now Dad and the cuñado are the best of buds!

 
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26 comments
James
James

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James
James

sssssssssssssssssss... BOOM Goodbye Gay Mexicans

frank
frank

An update on my trip to in-laws in Mexico where my daughter’s cousin came out of the closet this fall and is living with his boyfriend in downtown Ciudad del Carmen, Campeche (where his old man is the GM for a big oil services operation there)….the family seems to be handling it fine, the boyfriend came over to play and socialize with the family, but definitely was not present for Christmas and New Years Eve, where we visited a very well-off family) in fact Dad hired the boyfriend to work in the IT department of the company he runs….I don’t think my now 11-year old daughter quite figured out what is going on here yet but I definitely noticed that his son/boyfriend didn’t hang out with dear old Dad too much even though Dad gave the boyfriend a job (the son doesn't work for Dad-I suspect that may be a bit too scandalous though)

Not all is so enlightened in Mexico though-apparently the trashy next door neighbors decided they didn't like the gay son too much to the point of the wife/mother smashing in his car windows multiple times-they put in a security system and saw who did it, then dad knocked on the front door with a 9 iron in his hand and told her that if any more harassment of me or his son took place he'd take a few swings..

snail
snail

Yea, but mainly there are hispanic who believe that to be gay is to be weak and they should be removed, less they taint the macho blood....not my belief just heard it growing up many times....

Pumpuy2010
Pumpuy2010

Most of the ads I am seeing online are for hispanics. Not saying that their parents are all happy and shit but they are coming out more now than when I was younger. Most of the cock I had in me was from Mexicans (from Mexico). Don't know if they were gay, just horny or that I was great at sucking cock.

Most whites like myself can't come out for fear of being shunned by our own family. "Oy Vey With the Homophobia" was fortunate to have such compassionate understanding parents. My family never talks about it but if I brought someone to an event, they would not kick me to the curb.

And some of the comments here say that the family knows the sobrino is gay but they don't talk about it. What are they supposed to say? Oye! Get any pito this weekend? Do they talk about how straight everyone else is in the family? The only time it should come up in casual conversation is when you are trying to introduce them to someone. Not as a gossipy talking point.

It doesn't matter what race/creed/color you are, someone will object to having a gay family member.

Stacey
Stacey

@bill .........my roomate's mother makes $70/hour on the computer. She has been fired from work for 5 months but last month her pay was $7232 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read more on this site http://nutshellurl.com/22i5

Mark Stouffer
Mark Stouffer

"...plain and simple capitalism taken to Hayekian extremes". Have you given up on your libertarian tendencies so soon? You really think the drug war and a corrupt Mexican government are an example of capitalism? That is like saying the East India Company and the old AT&T monopoly and the FNMA and Freddie Mac monopolies were examples of capitalism. You need to go back to Mises 101 Gustavo. You shouldn't cry "capitalism!" every time someone with a dollar uses a gun.

Rame_rio
Rame_rio

Do you realize you are jumping all over the page with your quotes?! You've got the quotes of several different people down as ONE person's quote.

909Jeff
909Jeff

It could honestly be the family is trying you out to see if you're worthy of their son—shit, my papi didn't acknowledge my now-brother-in-law until a good five years into his courting of my sister, and now Dad and the cuñado are the best of buds!

This shit couldn't me more true... My Wife and I have been together for 12 years. Her father and I are pretty good friends at this point but it took damn near 5 or 6 years before we really got along. Even worse than the dad though is the Nana. Gustavo should have warned you about that one! I love my wifes Nana but she's the one you have to impress if your on Nana's Shit list its over!

frank
frank

my nephew in Mexico finally came out to his (by Mexican standards) socially liberal parents...dad is a big exec in an oil services company, and from what I hear seems to be handling it OK...I had no doubt where this was going from the first time I met him at the age of 17....but it was never discussed out load and I only discussed it with my wife...even my then 6 year old daughter noticed that he was carrying a purse!!!!

From what I hear the boyfriend may be over for dinner with Mom and Dad at Christmas in Mexico...should be very interesting to say the least!!!

Ihateusc
Ihateusc

hmmm, interesting topic gustavo... are you trying to tell us something? cmon, come out of that closet...ive seen your picture and you look pretty gay to me. lol

Ricardo
Ricardo

Strange: I'm gay and I spend a great deal of time in Mexico City, and I'm always amazed at how accepting Mexican families are of their gay sons and daughters. Indeed, the only Mexican I know who told me it had been a big problem for his family quickly added: "But I'm Jewish, that's why!"

Stuart Pitt
Stuart Pitt

Oh and by the way, what happened? You appear to have been kicked off the Phoenix New Times? Can't seem to find you there for more than a month now?

Stuart Pitt
Stuart Pitt

Hows yer family feel about you claiming to be illegal despite being born here? How do they feel about your being a "journalist" (snicker) without any real credentials? Hows your "claimed" illegal parent(s) feel about your making your living by exploiting the "True" illegal immigrant. Once again I call on you to offer up YOUR social security number in support of your "poor oppressed brethren" to use for the work you claim they do. Especially since they are how you make your living. One more thing...Come the Reconquista who will all you mexes work for? 'specially since all us Gabachos will have to leave? Or will YOU be the new "Jefe"?

Torg T. Robot
Torg T. Robot

My cousin is a lesbian, a fact that my aunt consistently denies. My aunt even got mad at my mom for spreading rumors about my cousin being a lesbian, even though my mom never said such a thing. Of course, my cousin has yet to 'come out', even when she was flying from Phoenix to Fresno every weekend to visit her girlfriend.

Johnrose7588
Johnrose7588

Wow gustabo speaks not only from the heart, but also with experience in the matter. Good job joto princess.

Leqaf
Leqaf

In my experience with my Mexican family, they were very accepting when I came out but they didn't talk about it much at first. I had to get them used to the subject first.I think the problem was they were afraid to say the wrong things.

Bill T.
Bill T.

Feo Americano: what sort of analysts, out of curiosity?

Oy: hmm, some Mexican families are old-school, some are moving into the 21st century, they're not all the same, who'd a'thunk? "oy vey" nuthin, oy gevaldt!

Ay papi chulo!
Ay papi chulo!

Actually, Gustavo's huevos are certified seguro. We have fotos of him earning his wings on Barbara Coe. Felicidades a la pareja!

gustavoarellano
gustavoarellano

You hate Mexicans, Asians, AND gays? Wow! A trifecta of bigotry!

Johnrose7588
Johnrose7588

You forgot jews, cops, and politicians. Oh and I am mexican by the way. Just don't have any respect for foreigners who come over here and overcrowd an area and take advantage of the system. You can't deny it joto princess. Oh ya and fuck the dream act. Costa mesa used to be a nice neighborhood. No you go down Wilson st and you see mexican hookers and beaners on bikes all hours. Trash everywhere. Mexicans are loud rude people. Try getting the family of 30the next door to turn down that god awefull music at 10pm. Or how about the little kids out running around unsupervised at 11pm on a school nite. No wonder the grow up to be hoodlums. Go to any supermarket in santa ana, guarantee you will see a mexican mom not paying attention while here welfare babies are running a muck in the store. Never fails.

Johnrose7588
Johnrose7588

Half mexi. Half white. And don't get me wrong. There are plenty of no good whites out there. Im just not a fan of gustabo 'so opinion

Juan Contreras
Juan Contreras

Johnrose~ I quote "Oh and I am mexican by the way" then you proceed to explain how "Mexicans are loud rude people. Try getting the family of 30the next door to turn down that god awefull music at 10pm."

anon
anon

perhaps you are not mexican but hispanic?

gustavoarellano
gustavoarellano

You're about as Mexican as I am Swiss. And news flash, chulo: that part of Costa Mesa has ALWAYS been sketchy--except for skins like yourself haha

 
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