But his flock thought his commie revelation sucked, so he put the blueprints in storage.

Prominent modern Mormons—such as Glenn Beck and Romney—have since had revelations of their own. They assert that what Smith was really trying to say is that Mormons should give all their money to very large corporations, whose excess divinity would eventually trickle down to everyone else.

Most Mormons today prefer the revised prophesy.

Joseph Smith receiving golden plates
Wikimedia Commons
Joseph Smith receiving golden plates
Temple garments, a.k.a. Mormon underwear
Wikimedia Commons
Temple garments, a.k.a. Mormon underwear
The LDS Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah
Wikimedia Commons
The LDS Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah
Brigham Young
Wikimedia Commons
Brigham Young

So should we hate these guys or not?
Your call. Mormons may be lesser perverts than Catholics and not nearly as mean as the Baptists. But if Romney declares martial law and forces you to get naked with a squadron of babushka ladies, don't come whining to us.

As the Reverend Jeffress might counsel, the wise man always hates first and asks questions later—if only to stay on the right side of Jesus.

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7 comments
Tyrus Papa
Tyrus Papa

I'm Mormon/LDS and sadly this is true...

TigerCobra
TigerCobra

Funny squared! Well done. (It's the grains of truth that will make this most offensive to "certain readers".

Texas12355
Texas12355

Whoever wrote this is definately an idiot.

Gturner
Gturner

Dave Barry with an edge. Very Good.

Joseph
Joseph

Bravo, Pete! This was the most thouroughly entertaining article I have read in quite some time!

Briansays
Briansays

you should check out the youtube video of Huntsman's 3 daughtersall sorta cute/hot in that late teen 20 something way and funnythe white house might become a lively place with them around

Chas
Chas

Why is the writer an idiot? Any errors or inaccuracies? Point it out. Otherwise you're just a tight-asses Mormon who's pissed that we don't speak with reverent tones about Joe Smith, Briggy, or polygamy.

 
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