What Part of Illegal Don't Mexicans Understand?

[¡Ask a Mexican!] And why do so many homes have wrought-iron fences?

DEAR READERS: The Mexican doesn't want to take this week off, but he has to because it's his mother periódico's Best Of issue, and the Mexican is tasked with eating a thousand tacos in the search for the best one in Orange. I'll return next week, more panzón than ever—in the meanwhile, enjoy these oldies-but-goodies. And remember: ¡A LA CHINGADA CON ALABAMA!

DEAR MEXICAN: What's up with all the elaborate wrought-iron fences in the Mexican parts of town? It almost seems as though everyone is trying to outdo one another with these amazing displays of metallurgy. Is it just another way to try to protect the cars parked on the lawn and keep the livestock from wandering off, or is it a pathway to instant respect and envy among the neighbors?

WHrought Iron To Envy (WHITE) Guy

DEAR GABACHO: This is a question that fascinates even sociologists. At a 2005 seminar called "The Latinization of American Culture," UCLA professor David Hayes-Bautista showed pictures of wrought-iron fences to describe what gabachos can expect when Mexicans move into their neighborhoods. But you can find the answer on the United States-Mexico border, WHITE: fences. Miles and miles of American-made fences. Triple-layered. Jagged. Deadly. That's our introduction to American society when we illegally enter los Estados Unidos. All Mexicans want to assimilate, so fences are usually the first thing we erect once we buy a casa: pointy, menacing bars wrapped with organic barbed wire like bougainvilleas or roses to keep the damn Mexicans at bay. And still—as evidenced by the lemons stolen from my front lawn every night—Mexicans jump them.

 

DEAR MEXICAN: What is it about the word "illegal" that Mexicans don't understand?

D.G.

DEAR GABACHO: Take your pick, D.G. Mexicans don't understand the word "illegal" because: (A) when paying their gardeners, nannies, busboys and factory workers in cash (and forgetting to withhold payroll taxes), U.S. employers don't seem to understand the word "illegal," so why should Mexicans? (B) The Anglo-American trappers and traders whom you and I were taught to admire as tough, self-sufficient frontiersmen and pioneers were among the American Southwest's first illegals. Who are you calling illegal, gabacho? (C) Presidente George W. Bush's proposal to offer amnesty and a guest-worker program during his administration to all illegal immigrants—a move designed to appease his supporters in the business community—means even Republicans don't understand the word. (D) Whether they buy a fake passport or take a citizenship oath, Mexicans will never be more than wetbacks in the eyes of many Americans, so why bother applying for residency? (E) The Society of Professional Journalists just passed a resolution asking newspapers to require its reporters to describe as "undocumented workers" the men and women you call "illegal." (F) Little-known fact: The fragment of poetry on the Statue of Liberty ("Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free," etc.) does not, because of a French engraver's error, include Emma Lazarus' rarely cited footnote: "No Mexicans, please." Fucking French. But the real answer is the word itself. "Illegal" is an English word; Mexicans speak Spanish—yet you never hear Mexicans whine that their bosses don't understand such easy Spanish phrases as "pinche puto pendejo baboso," do you?

 
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16 comments
Straightupshorty32
Straightupshorty32

who ever has the time to put down Mexicans like they have any idea where there family has come from and turn their survival into a joke is just disgusting .... it shouldn't matter ppl out here are so fuckin uptight and nosey and half have never worked or worked HARD for what they have. fuck id be illegal if i were born in mexico i kno i wouldnt want to live there right now. just some unloved white fuck yanno

Nancyharlow54
Nancyharlow54

Why does nobody address the real Satan. The Mexican government is so draconian and corrupt that a huge portion of the population is forced to leave the land of their birth in order to have even a chance of a humane existance.

RAMurillo1955
RAMurillo1955

I have 33 yrs as a airline employee...and see Mexicans all over. From Angola to Tachikawa. And every country has some sort of 'tortilla' looking thing....and don't start me on the work habits.....All over the world folks act like Mexicans....

Dlelectric81
Dlelectric81

mexican's ancestor's are murderous conquistadors, they to are native american killers!!!they killed aztecs,mayans the list goes on. AND WHAT LANGUAGE DO THE SPEAK?Not mayan or aztec.........the speak the white man language.....SHOW ME ONE BROWN SPANIARD

wideNCawake
wideNCawake

Mexicans: bring your recipes - leave your trash.

deathb4dishonor
deathb4dishonor

ehh Mexicans don't understand the word illegal cause they never make it that far in school. Why else do you think they have one of the lowest education levels in the world.

Need a gardener get a Mexican, need a doctor stay away from Mexico

Andresin516
Andresin516

What a kick in the asset to all those know nothings! Keep it up bro!

Fsmith2230
Fsmith2230

I live in East Tennessee… I was looking for some help around the house: painting, repairing this and that, inside and outside… about a week's work.. 40 hours, that is. Maybe 60 hrs.

I contacted my citizen neighbor who is a painting contractor. After detailing what needed to be done and his assuring me he could replace the wall switch immediately, since he had the needed new switch in his basement..and he'd put on 'life time' paint...blah blah He had to leave to meet his buddy and would be back in 20 minutes. Sure he will. I waited that evening, and all the next day. The following day his wife and children stopped by and said he was interested in taking the job.. he was sorry, but he forgot to come back. Sure he did.

In the meantime I saw a pod of Mexicans working with the local city boss at the Park and asked the boss if any one did work on the side. I'd been reading how desperate all these citizens and undocumented Mexicans out of work are and needing to find work. I researched the minimum wage ($7.50) and decided I'd pay $10 an hour, fair enough for unskilled work.

I met Mois and he and I met on the following Sunday with his non-English speaking buddy, and he offered to do my odd jobs….. for $20 an hour, paid in cash, no address mentioned since he didn't live anywhere. <smile>I laughed. How about $10. . Since his $20 an hour offer indicated he wasn't interested in $10 an hour, I told him if he knew of anyone that needed work at $10 an hour to let me know. He left, no doubt laughing all the way out of the yard and home. No, I never heard from him again.

Just out of curiosity, after getting an estimate on how much a local would do to mow my lawn (35$) I asked Mois what he would charge.. $65, he said.and went on to tell me what a bargain that was.

I can't afford to pay $20 an hour for unskilled work. It's mind-boggling: We taxpayers pay taxes to the government from the money we have, earned. The gov't takes the money and pays the person who just was relieved of his job, due to whatever cause, a free salary for 26 weeks, which can be then repeated again for 26 weeks, minimum wage and sometimes way over minimum wage.So now… why would a person 'work' for minimum wage when he is being paid my paid-in tax money NOT to work…. so I can't afford to hire him? Does that make sense?I work, I pay taxes. He doesn't work, and gets my tax payments. <laugh> You ask him to take a job and he laughs… he doesn't have to work. He can work on the side for $20 an hour and not pay any taxes and still collect his free minimum wage salary.

I thought the Mexicans needed work but they won't work either for more than minimum wage now…it's beneath their dignity here. Our social services are supporting the Mexican family by 'welfare' while he works on the side for a non-reportable $20 an hour. Mois asked me outright…would I pay cash! His buddy, (also for $20 an hour) didn't know a word of English.

Isn't this USA GREAT, or what?

</laugh></smile>

Fred
Fred

RE: fences. If you travel through mexico you will see how the average mexican casa is fortified usually not with a fence but with a tall wall topped with broken glass set in cement. The front door is set in this wall and is usually massive and built to withstand forcefull attempts at entry. Rarely are there any unbarred windows at street level.

Seeing this in town after town from Nogales to Merida, one can only conclude that mexicans are protecting themselves from.... other mexicans.

Morena
Morena

All the wrought iron fencing? Simple explanation: Our interpretation of "gated communities"

mike
mike

I get that it's a joke, but the English “illegal” is an awfully close cognate of the Spanish "ilegal.”

Dlelectric81
Dlelectric81

oh yea and they took over a whole continent and more. And enslaved lots of africans

elpinche
elpinche

You had me at "I live in East Tennessee.." Then that's followed by three inches of text loosely coupled with random ellipses and what looks like strange Tennessean HTML tags.

elpinche
elpinche

Stupid pendejos don't realize we have the gate codes.

 
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