Foot-In-Mouth Disease

[Hey, You!] Put a sock in it, lady, we're getting foot massages here!

Husband and me: sitting quietly in a dimly lit room enjoying a reflexology massage at our local foot-massage spa in Brea.

You: bellowing nonstop to your therapist about every detail of your treatment.

Everyone else in the spa: shushing you quietly, which you probably didn't hear because you were too busy describing at top volume how you came to have a scratch on your ankle.

Matt Bors


Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations--changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent--to Hey, You! c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at

Seriously, woman, why? There were "Quiet, Please" signs all over the place, the room was dark, we were all nestled in recliners with our eyes closed, and everyone—including your therapist—was trying to get you to zip it. I guess there isn't much of a difference between "foot" and "fool."