By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
By Charles Lam
DEAR MEXICAN: I'm a white girl dating a Mexican from Jalisco who works for my dad. Therein lies the problem. Dad absolutely dislikes him and totally opposes me dating Ignacio and has been almost rude to him, which I don't like.
Some details: I often visit Dad at his office, and on one of those occasions, I met Ignacio, who has the deepest dark eyes I've ever seen. We flirted a little, exchanged phone numbers and that was it for that day. He and I hit it off almost from the beginning, so I feel it was totally natural to start dating him, even if he lives in a not-so-nice place and we have different backgrounds. Of course, Dad gave me a whole speech that night at home: that I should not be talking to people I don't know, that he knew what I was thinking, etc. And when we started dating a few days later, he got mad, refused to drive me to the mall and so on.
A few days later, we dated again. We kissed and started our relationship, and my father started to behave like a drama queen, saying he was disappointed, that he thought he raised a good, decent girl and such things. I had no option but to call him a racist and sore loser, which I'm now sorry to have said. Dad lectures me about not worrying "about my future" and that I'm "losing it over a beaner," makes a scene many times when I'm going out with Ignacio, and calls my cell phone often to "check out what I'm doing." He justifies his behavior by saying I'm his only daughter and says he wants the "best for me" (read: date a white guy). The fact is I like my boyfriend a lot and don't see why I need to break up with him just to please my father. It gets complicated because Ignacio says one day, he's gonna lose his patience and answer my Dad back—or worse. What can I do to handle Dad's dramas? And to have him accept my relationship with Ignacio?
Una Confused Gringa
DEAR GABACHA: So Nacho is good enough to work for your papi, but not good enough for his daughter? Typical gabacho exploiter. I would flaunt the relationship in front of your dad. Change your name to Xochitl. Blast mariachi in your home. Make your tortillas by hand—better yet, start eating nopales. Totally freak out your dad! But at the same time, be a responsible chica—you didn't specify your age, but given your reference to getting driven to the mall and still living at home, I'll assume you're in high school. So stay away from sex—but if you don't, make sure to use birth control because Mexican sperm is potent. Keep up your grades. Show Dad that your life won't worsen if a Mexi is your man and that he's pendejo for even thinking it. And remind him that frowning on interracial relationships is so Jim Crow-era and to get with the programa.
DEAR MEXICAN: Why do you frijoleros (being myself of Iberian descent, if you can use gabacho, you've gotta let me use this) assume that white people don't speak Spanish? You would not believe the crap I hear almost every day! We spoke Spanish when the Mexicans were still ripping out the hearts of their neighbors.
El Cid Soy
DEAR GACHUPÍN: A Spaniard who thinks he's white? HA! You gachupines are as gabacho as Mexicans are infertile.
GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: Latino Health Access (LHA) is a pioneering nonprofit based in Santa Ana that has earned national acclaim for its promotora program, in which it trains community members how to teach healthy-iving habits in the city's low-income neighborhoods. Last week, Orange County's Board of Supervisors declined to agree to a contract with them. LHA's sin? Using "Latino" in its name—PENDEJO FAIL. Check out the group at latinohealthaccess.org, and tell the world OC is run by a bola de pendejos—but the world knew that, of course. . . .