It’s not that I mind donating my kid’s leftover Halloween candy to the troops in Afghanistan. But when you finish your flier with the adage, “If you’re reading this, thank a teacher. If you’re reading this in English, thank a United States Marine,” I really must protest. If you mean to imply our Marines are the reason we’re not all speaking German or Japanese or, God forbid, Arabic, well, then I guess I should specifically thank all of my history teachers for helping me reach this point in my life, where I can look at a guy like you and recognize a yokel. At least you’re predicable, though; you’ve managed to reinforce most of the stereotypes out there about God-and-country fundamentalists, and you’ve highlighted the fact that our school administrators are often oblivious to the reality that our school system should be a demilitarized zone, a safe place where children can know that if their first language is something other than English, it doesn’t mean they’re a threat.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.