At San Onofre State Beach, These Old Guys Are Tools

[Hey, You!] The old men and the sea . . . and the attitudes and the littering

You are the septuagenarian codgers who regulate traffic coming in and out of San Onofre State Beach. After I pay $15 just to surf there, I then have to maneuver past you. You post in front of the Point, right where the road gets narrow; you clog up the area right across from the turd stalls. You growl and wave your crooked fingers at families and other visitors who—in your estimation—are driving too fast. Or maybe you just don’t like them surfing at “your” spot—a state beach. You leave your ciggy butts in the parking lot (which then flow into the ocean) while you display your actual butts to families and minors as you aimlessly stroll around the parking lot with your wetsuits pulled down. And you feel a sense of ownership of the Point simply because there are a number of you in a group and you all printed up counterfeit “San O Surf Club” shirts. I can’t complain too hard, I guess, because, after all, it is called “Old Man’s” for a reason. But if “Old Guys Rule,” try putting on a smile. Then get out of the road, drop the barking and long stares, pick up your trash, and just be friendly and surf.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at

Matt Bors

This column appeared in print as "Old Guys? Tools."

My Voice Nation Help

Old men drool! Yeah, the worst behaved folks in the line-up are the old guys, especially at places like the Point, Church, and Middles. As soon as I see the sun hat donning walruses making their way out into the line-up, I know my frustration level is about rise a few notches. Hogging waves, snaking from the far shoulder, and raising a stink if they even think you might drop in on them. I've been surfing for almost 35 years, yet these old jerks even annoy me. Where are the kids from Captain Barbosa's Raid? We need you to flush the old f*ckers out of San O for a day!