Bassackwards

[Hey, You!] Somebody got some crappy toilet training as a child

You are the rapscallion who continues to leave your scatological mark on the edge of the toilet seat in our gentlemen’s room. I have considered the possibility you simply lack the care to properly empty a colostomy bag; however, these are clearly marks of a wiping motion located (oddly) on the front edge of the seat. Since one would normally expect to see a few drops of errant urine or even the occasional crooked hair in this particular spot, I have no alternative but to conclude the obvious. It’s elementary! You are facing the wrong way!

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.

Matt Bors

This column appeared in print as "Know the Shitter, Sherlock!"

 
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