[Hey, You!] Were You Raised In a Barn?

You’re that girlfriend of mine who likes to shit with the door open and talk loud. Calling me closer to the door to talk isn’t a courtesy for me. When was it decided that once we shared a living space, it was okay to share bowel movements? When we started dating, you were embarrassed to fart around me, and now it seems like I’m getting cropdusted every time my eyes open. Can we go back to the days of shut-door grunting and not sentence fragments followed by bombs dropping? Please?

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.

 
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