By On the occasion of our 20th anniversary
By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
Hey, you—rolling up in an expensive car in a nice suit, walking into my Orange electronics store at 8 Friday night. You followed your ancient wife, who began shouting about whether anyone worked here. When I asked if I could help, she said that she’d prefer “a man” to take the battery out of her shitty cordless phone and look for a replacement. While my male co-worker assisted her, you just stood there and smiled while your wife proceeded to berate everything about the way I looked, including calling me fat. She failed to make eye contact more than once, and she stared at the floor for long periods of time. Her diatribe was heavily peppered with the phrase “praise God; thank you, Jesus.” It was clear to me your wife suffers from a very severe case of Alzheimer’s, and I understand it causes verbal aggression. However, it’s not appropriate for you to permit her to act like a crusty old cunt toward other human beings.
If you had a mentally disabled family member who perhaps threw silverware, you wouldn’t take him to a restaurant, would you? If you had a dog with a leg-humping habit, you wouldn’t take him out amongst people, would you? Yes, you would because you don’t comprehend that you’re responsible for your ancient wife’s behavior when she’s no longer capable of understanding what she’s doing. She could easily be punched in the face by someone who doesn’t recognize her condition, and what a tragedy that would be. You clearly have financial means, and you should probably arrange to have her locked away from society, where the people who are paid to care for her will do so. You’re not doing such a great job of it. Praise God; thank you, Jesus.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 2975 Red Hill Ave., Ste. 150, Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or e-mail us at email@example.com.