[Hey, You!] Robe Rage

Matt Bors

You were the temporary judge who presided over my girlfriend’s speeding case. Apparently, driving 16 mph over the speed limit warrants a $400 fine, but the bailiff told the entire courtroom that the judge usually lowers the fines for people who take time to appear in court. Then you waltzed in wearing a crooked bow tie and disheveled judge’s robe, instructing the court that you would not be lowering anyone’s fines that day. Why? Because you “just didn’t feel like it,” laughing as if this were some game for you. After you refused to lower my girlfriend’s $400 ticket, you launched into a five-minute mind fart about television commercials you didn’t like while my girlfriend stood before you confused and nervous. Sure, you’re just a temporary judge, but you’re also a full-time jerk-off.

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