Posted by Gustavo Arellano, Navel Gazing, Nov. 1
Floral Park imagines itself as an oasis of tranquility in SanTana, a respite from the city’s gritty reality. Really, this neighborhood is built on apartheid. Need proof? There’s a house in Floral Park with “TARA” on its front gate, for chrissakes, and direct access is blocked if you’re coming north from the rest of the city. Need more substantial proof? Take what happened yesterday, and what’s been happening every Halloween in the neighborhood for years.

Last evening, hundreds of Mexican kids descended upon Floral Park to partake in a richer neighborhood’s ostensibly better candies, a tradition followed by American kids for decades. Dressed up as Darth Vader, as princesses or ghosts, they walked in virtual darkness. At least three-quarters of the Floral Park homes had their lights off, and the number was probably bigger than that. That’s because the Mothers of Floral Park group held the neighborhood’s official trick-or-treat last Saturday.

A Floral Park resident that requested anonymity for the obvious reason argued that the neighborhood was simply tired of cleaning up after the hordes. “They’re not even from the neighborhood, but they drop their trash all over the place—and we have to clean up after them,” she argued. “It’s better to let our kids celebrate it on another day. It’s not a racial thing.”

That's a mouthful
That's a mouthful
Almost life-sized
Almost life-sized

HA. Have you ever seen a spic-’n’-span neighborhood after Halloween? Candy tends to create littering, y’know. Besides, Halloween is supposed to be America’s great unifying holiday, a bona-fide celebration not based on any religion or ethnic group, but on getting everyone together.

Tim says: Even the illegal aliens know their urine-stenched violent neighborhoods suck. So your solution is for the rest of us to lower our standards to that of the uneducated Latino hoards? Why don’t you publish your address and have a big party for the niños next year at your house? Why don’t you step up for once, Gustavo, and admit that Mexico and most of Latin America are Third World pits. Despite your views to the contrary, dragging America down to the level of Mexico doesn’t help anyone.

Posted by R. Scott Moxley, Navel Gazing, Nov. 15
“Silly ass . . . no shit . . . shit . . . fuck you . . . get fucked . . . two cocksuckers . . . all that shit . . . bitchen! . . . Look at the size on that one! . . . bullshit . . . evil fucking evil . . . kick your ass . . . to the fucking bank . . . gonna fuck you up . . . such an asshole . . . my fucking heart . . . Jack Hanshaw [is] a weird motherfucker . . . fucked her over . . motherfucker! . . . fucking shitting me . . . fuck you in the ass . . . fucking Coto de Caza . . . fucking German attitude . . . her core fucking belief . . . I don’t think they have shit on us . . . Donna [Porter] is such a fucking squirrelly cunt . . . lying about that shit . . . fuck George . . . Tony [Rackauckas] and I are in a fucking death spiral . . . a huge fucking battle . . . oh, fuck! . . . fuck, yes . . . shit on that one . . . cover shit up . . . all this shit.”

—Then-Orange County Sheriff Mike Carona, a Bible-thumper in public and a man who prayed before restaurant meals when people were watching, talking in private in August 2007 and unaware that the FBI was surreptitiously recording his conversation. The cause of his anger and frustration? Federal prosecutors Brett Sagel and Ken Julian were conducting an investigation that would two months later result in Carona’s arrest on bribery, corruption and witness-tampering charges.

Posted by Matt Coker, Navel Gazing, Nov. 26
A Huntington Beach man who co-owns the company that makes the Whizzinator, which allows workers, job-seekers and parolees to fake drug tests, pleaded guilty in a Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, federal court Monday to conspiracy to defraud the government and conspiracy to sell drug paraphernalia.

Joining Robert Dennis Catalano in pleading guilty were the 62-year-old’s partner, George W. Wills, 65, of San Pedro, and their Signal Hill-based Puck Technology Inc. They are scheduled to be sentenced on Feb. 20.

Puck started in 1999, classifies itself as a medical-technology company and reports annual sales of $2.2 million for its line of clean-urine-dispensing faux weenies.

So you might say the feds really took the piss outta these guys.

If they lied in court, would they be guilty of perjur-pee?

Guess this halts production of their new gizmo for black gentlemen, Whizzinator Magnum.

Besides the Whizzinator, Puck Technology sells another urination-simulation device called, and this is true, “Number 1.” Message to Santa: Should Puck have a spin-off product, please do not fill my stocking with “Number 2.”

Okay, I’ll stop now. Call me pee-shy. My rain has ended. Don’t wanna be accused of yellow journalism. Aiiiiiiiiiiiiii . . .

Bob Squalonero says: I don’t know, Matt. All those jokes you did seem to exhibit “piss poor” performance on your part. I suggest you quit while you’re “a head” and before you “piss off” someone. ;-)

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