[Hey, You!] Loser 101

You’re the jerk who walked up to my car in a parking lot in Naples. Unfortunately, the window was down. You stole my CD right from the player in my dash. You had no idea what CD it was, if you even liked the artist. It was a pure loser move. I realize there are many more serious injustices in this world, but you are a true, unadulterated loser. Despite my K.T. Tunstall CD being awesome, I hope you hate it. I hope you throw it out your car window and get arrested for littering. If, by some freak of nature, you actually have a girlfriend, I hope she finds it, accuses you of having another girlfriend, and then dumps your lame ass. And oh, by the way, the Laundromat my car was parked in front of has a camera, and you’re on it. So next time I’m fluffing and folding, you are going to have a conversation with my 6-foot-4 boyfriend, you loser.

Matt Bors

Related Content

• Eat A Meal At A Long Beach Restaurant, Get A Free Ticket To AKC/Eukanuba National Championship
  December 3, 2009
• "Taste of Anaheim" To Be Held May 14th at GardenWalk
  April 13, 2009
• Osteria Drago Slated To Open In Fashion Island Spring 2010
  October 21, 2009
• Il Dolce Pizzeria To Debut This Week In Costa Mesa
  December 8, 2009
• This Week in the OC Weekly
  August 8, 2008

More About

• Naples
• KT Tunstall

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA ?92701-7417, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.