By On the occasion of our 20th anniversary
By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
*Click on graphic at left, or read below.
Disaster struck Orange County [yesterday/last week/last hour/last year] as fire devastated neighborhoods in [wealthy city in fire country], destroying [hundreds/dozens] of homes and costing [number followed by many zeroes] of dollars in damages. It was the worst [synonym for fire] since [the last big fire] in [year].
The fire [insert origins], but [something involving the Santa Anas] [method by which the wind spread embers] to other areas, where [insert mention of drought and overgrown brush] transformed the region into [dramatic phrase for fire].
“We’ve been here for [number] years and [insert disbelieving sentiment that it could happen to them],” said [good gabacho name], a [white-collar profession] who lives in [wealthy community]. [Insert brave personal action involving fighting the fire]. [Insert command by firefighters to evacuate].
[Ethnic name] [insert description involving person and their damaged home]. “[Insert quote from immigrant fretting about the future, maybe a God reference].”
The [name of wealthy development damaged] was rebuilt after [last time said wealthy development suffered fire], which saw [description of previous disaster, which is really the same disaster again]. They were rebuilt with promises by [insert mega-developer name] that such a tragedy would never happen again.
Some saw this coming. “Those houses [insert cynical, heartless critique of the wealthy and where they choose to live],” said [apocalyptic environmentalist—ah, who are we kidding? Fill in “noted author Mike Davis” here]. “[Plea to stop development].”
Firefighters continued to battle the blaze, but were hampered by [description of heartless Mother Nature] and [inject political issue to get conservatives worked up against the firefighters’ union] because a battalion was fighting fires in [Los Angeles County city].
[Gratuitous plug for news-organization website in desperate effort to get more readers with the promises of slideshows, updates and other online goodies—in our case, www.ocweekly.com].