The Fire All the Time: Create Your Own Inferno News Story!

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Ted Soqui

Ted Soqui

Ted Soqui

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• Fires

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Disaster struck Orange County [yesterday/last week/last hour/last year] as fire devastated neighborhoods in [wealthy city in fire country], destroying [hundreds/dozens] of homes and costing [number followed by many zeroes] of dollars in damages. It was the worst [synonym for fire] since [the last big fire] in [year].

The fire [insert origins], but [something involving the Santa Anas] [method by which the wind spread embers] to other areas, where [insert mention of drought and overgrown brush] transformed the region into [dramatic phrase for fire].

“We’ve been here for [number] years and [insert disbelieving sentiment that it could happen to them],” said [good gabacho name], a [white-collar profession] who lives in [wealthy community]. [Insert brave personal action involving fighting the fire]. [Insert command by firefighters to evacuate].

[Ethnic name] [insert description involving person and their damaged home]. “[Insert quote from immigrant fretting about the future, maybe a God reference].”

The [name of wealthy development damaged] was rebuilt after [last time said wealthy development suffered fire], which saw [description of previous disaster, which is really the same disaster again]. They were rebuilt with promises by [insert mega-developer name] that such a tragedy would never happen again.

Some saw this coming. “Those houses [insert cynical, heartless critique of the wealthy and where they choose to live],” said [apocalyptic environmentalist—ah, who are we kidding? Fill in “noted author Mike Davis” here]. “[Plea to stop development].”

Firefighters continued to battle the blaze, but were hampered by [description of heartless Mother Nature] and [inject political issue to get conservatives worked up against the firefighters’ union] because a battalion was fighting fires in [Los Angeles County city].

[Gratuitous plug for news-organization website in desperate effort to get more readers with the promises of slideshows, updates and other online goodies—in our case, www.ocweekly.com].