[Savage Love] 'Why Did She Tell You to Gather Your Panties and Go?'

I am a straight, cross-dressing male into bondage. That’s NOT my problem. Recently, I began seeing a professional Dominatrix for forced cross-dressing, among other things. She was great, but our last session ended abruptly when She told me that She wanted to start dildo training me. I was all for it, but I asked Her, politely, if She could use my dildo. In no uncertain terms, She said no.

I then asked, politely, if She would wash Her dildo in bleach in front of me so I would know it was clean. She ended the session right then and there, and She told me not to contact Her again.

Was I out of line? I signed a “contract” with Her that said I would not “top from the bottom,” but She has several other slaves whom She probably uses that dildo on, and I just wanted to know for sure that the dildo was clean. I know I won’t be seeing Her again, but it would be nice to know if you thought I was out of line. She reads your column.

Superior Her Ends Edgy Session Hastily

Why did this woman tell you to gather your panties and go?

That’s hard for me to say, SHEESH, as I’m not a mind reader. But I see two possible explanations: One, she is unwilling to pause, step out of her role, and renegotiate a scene that’s already under way, in which case you are well rid of her. Or, two, you’re an insufferable, controlling twat, and you managed to annoy the fuck out of her, so she kicked your ass to the curb.

I might be inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt and declare you the wronged party here, SHEESH, but your having carried this dispute into a column that you know she reads tips me over to her side. By writing to me, you’re not just seeking the last word, SHEESH, but also hoping to have the satisfaction of seeing this woman dressed down in public. So while you were careful to submissively capitalize all those third-person pronouns—as if She Herself were God Himself—your letter leads me to believe that in person, as in print, you’re a disrespectful, controlling, manipulative piece of shit.

In other words, SHEESH, I suspect that your beef about the cleanliness of that dildo wasn’t your infraction, but the last fucking straw.

I’m having an interesting dilemma.

I’m a 20-year-old female and a junior in college. For the past few years, I’ve been working on becoming a journalist. But I’ve found myself less and less interested (and passionate) about it as time goes on. And I think I’d rather be a fetish model.

For the past year, I’ve been a submissive in a D/s relationship with my boyfriend. I love him VERY much, and he is more respectful toward me than any other man I’ve been with. Lately, we’ve been toying with the idea of creating a fetish-modeling website. I do not want to be shot nude or have sex on camera, but I LOVE the idea of bondage photos and pursuing this as a career, and so does he.

From the photos I’ve done so far, I’m pretty sure this could pay off AND be more personally satisfying than a job at a newspaper. But I’m nervous about what my family and friends will say when they realize I’m never going to write for the Washington Post or The New York Times.

Kinky Coed

Journalism or fetish modeling, journalism or fetish modeling—gee, which career is right for you?

Um, KC? If you bothered to read either of the newspapers you cite as possible future places of employment, you would know that times are tough at daily newspapers. The Internet ate their business model—so long, lucrative classified ads! Hello, “citizen journalists”!—and right now, it’s all layoffs and buyouts all the time at daily and weekly newspapers. If you care so little about journalism that you’re tempted to make a career of posting bondage pictures to a website instead, KC, then don’t go into journalism. Leave the few jobs that remain at newspapers to people who have some passion for the field.

So it’s fetish modeling for you, right? Not so fast, kinkster. Porn companies, large and small, are experiencing similar financial difficulties. Just as many people are willing to write for free online, many millions of people are willing to post everything from “tasteful” fetish shots to hardcore porn online for free. So while there may be a handful of people out there who’ll pay to see you tied up, you’re probably not going to make enough money as a fetish model to support yourself.