[Scariest People 2008] Haunted Alamo

Illustration by Kevin Tong

A tide of hardworking Mexican men, women, children and abuelitas is threatening the sanctity of American freedom! It is coming en masse, and it’s headed for the last great American outpost, the building that once united and now divides two great nations—the Haunted Alamo! Or is it Mission San Juan Capistrano? A small band of patriotic soldiers, led by Barbara Coe and Michael Lamb, is losing its fight to defend the soil its own immigrant ancestors robbed and pillaged from the Native Americans fair and square. And just when things are at their brownest, a white knight appears: the specter of Klansman and OC pioneer Henry Head, leading an undead army that looks a lot like Santa Ana’s National Guard unit Company L—the original anti-Mexican militia! With carefully planned attacks, grammatically incorrect racist web slanders and a refusal to acknowledge the basic rights of human beings, this small army of ghosts and ghouls heroically pledges to fight until every last burrito is rechristened a “freedom wrap.”

Starring: Henry Head, Barbara Coe and Michael Lamb
Co-Starring: Company L as “The Army” and Lupe Moreno as “Lupe La Malinche”
With: Jacob Rump, Billy Joe Johnson and Jim Gilchrist
 
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