[Scariest People 2008] Count Coxula

The year is 2008. Wall Street is crumbling. Corporative executives have looted their businesses and now seek trillions of dollars in public assistance. Count Coxula (Christopher Cox) has left his Newport Beach seat in Congress for the Securities and Exchange Commission. A perfect choice for the nefarious mission of bleeding the country dry—a dark art Cox learned from such bloodsuckers as swindler William E. Cooper and the late County Supervisor Tom Riley (who just might have been the vampire who sired the insatiable Coxula). Meanwhile, deep under his Laguna Niguel estate, another leech for lucre, corporate executive Henry Nicholas, is backdating, er, daydreaming about his billion-dollar fortune while snorting exotic substances with a harem of whores and bodyguards in his secret sex dungeon—in the fine OC tradition of savings-and-loan boss Charles Keating, who based his fraudulent empire in Irvine, lived like a Roman emperor, and then handed taxpayers a multibillion-dollar bloodbath. Will these children of the night let the country bleed out before a torch-wielding mob of cops and congressional investigators puts a stake through their fiendish plot?

 

Illustration by Evan Yarbrough

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Starring: Christopher Cox
Also starring: Dr. Henry Nicholas & Charles Keating, with Tom Riley
Director: Ayn Rand
Screenplay: Steven Greenhut
Choreographer: William E. Cooper
Concessions: St. Regis Monarch Beach Resort

 
  • Joe 11/19/2008 3:24:00 AM

    You are a "FUCKING STUD" so well put and elequently said "COXULA", you should be granted the nobel peace prize and the pulitzers prize winner. Words and sentances that scare even the most frighting sinister people of our time. I love how you tell it like it is, especially the articles on those three stooges,Carona, Jaramillo, and Haidel. No one tells it better than you of the key stone capers those cluster fucks commited. Now look at them. I wish they would just throw those fucks in prison in general populatin. Kudos "Mr. Moxley" keep up the good work Yours truly, "Your Big Fan"

 

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