By On the occasion of our 20th anniversary
By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
13. Seriously, he’s a total asshole.
“At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt.” —McCain to his wife in 1992, in full earshot of reporters, after she joked about his thinning hair.
14. Wow, is he an asshole.
“Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because Janet Reno is her father.” —A McCain joke from 1998. (Karma in action: Little Chelsea grew up to be a stone fox, while the once-handsome McCain now has a head like a moldy biscuit.)
15. He’s an asshole, asshole, asshole.
When McCain returned from Vietnam, his then-wife had been in an accident that left her five inches shorter and on crutches. While the mother of his children was undergoing painful physical therapy, McCain cheated on her and eventually dumped her for a younger, prettier and richer girl (the current Mrs. McCain).
16. Did we mention he’s an asshole?
McCain has repeatedly clashed with families of POW-MIAs, and in 1996 one clash turned particularly ugly. A woman in a wheelchair equipped with portable oxygen approached him to ask about her son. Witnesses say McCain raised his arm to strike her before shoving her wheelchair away. Forget running the country, you shouldn’t trust McCain to watch your cat.
17. No abortions for you.
McCain has said, “I do not support Roe v. Wade. It should be overturned.” Palin, meanwhile, wouldn’t let you have an abortion even if your dad raped you.
18. If McCain wins, expect more Katrinas.
McCain swears he’d never mismanage a disaster response like Bush mismanaged Katrina. But after Katrina, McCain actually voted against emergency funding for Louisiana and Medicaid and unemployment for Katrina victims. (And where was McCain the day Katrina hit? In Arizona, celebrating his birthday with Bush. Cameras captured the pair cutting into a big cake and grinning like newlyweds.)
19. He’s a self-described “computer illiterate.”
In an age when a cyber-terrorist attack could cripple America, should we elect a dude who doesn’t understand what the kids are doing with those infernal machines?
20. “Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran.”
McCain criticized Obama for publicly discussing his plans for Pakistan . . . after McCain announced his own aggressive intentions toward Iran in song form.
21. His “senior moments.”
McCain’s had troubling memory lapses. He referred to the “Iraq/Pakistan border,” forgetting Iran is between those countries. He addressed a rally as “my fellow prisoners,” suggesting he may be having ‘Nam flashbacks on the campaign trail. In an interview, he mistook Spanish Prime Minister Zapatero for the head of a Latin American dictatorship, refusing to say if he would meet with him.
22. His environmentalist talk is a bunch of greenhouse gas.
He told The Orange County Register “addressing climate change effectively” is one way he’ll distinguish his administration from Bush’s. But in 2007, McCain earned a zero score from the League of Conservation Voters, and if he dies in office, we’ll be stuck with Ms. Drill-Baby-Drill.
23. He “palled around with terrorists.”
In the ‘80s, McCain was on the advisory board of the American branch of the World Anti-Communist League, an ultra-conservative group linked to Nazi collaborators and Central American death squads. McCain claims he resigned in 1984, but the group has no record of his ever leaving. And McCain has the stones to attack Obama for briefly serving on an educational board with a ‘60s radical-turned-tweedy professor?
24. He supports torture.
In 2007, McCain rightly denounced waterboarding as torture, noting that it was used in the Spanish Inquisition. But he later hailed Bush for vetoing an anti-waterboarding bill, and voted against it himself. McCain’s been tortured himself, he knows firsthand how horrible it is . . . and he supports torture.
25. Mr. “Straight Talk” has no integrity.
McCain has cozied up to the fundamentalists he once dismissed as “agents of intolerance.” He’s pushed for the tax cuts and oil drilling he once opposed. He’s hired the guys who sank his 2000 presidential bid with a whisper campaign about his “illegitimate black child”—the same guys he once said deserve a “special place in hell.” And, oh yeah, he now supports torture. During McCain’s August appearance at OC’s Saddleback Church, he described himself as a “very imperfect person.” Well, at least we know he’s honest about something.