[Savage Love] 'Commit to Making Sure Your Boyfriend Is Well and Thoroughly Milked'

My boyfriend and I are in our mid-20s, love each other and have been living together for two years. We have good sex once a week. I have a low libido, and I always have. But my sweet boyfriend needs it more than once a week. Every once in a while, he brings up the fact that he’d like to have more sex. This conversation always goes the same way: He tells me, I start crying, he feels terrible for making me cry, and we both wind up feeling like shit.

I’m pretty sure that the solution is for me to jump my sexy boyfriend more often. But I don’t know how. I know I have an inner vixen buried somewhere inside me. I would appreciate any suggestions you have.

Wanna Want More

If you’ve been to the doc and ruled out a hormonal imbalance, WWM, and made sure that whatever birth-control method you’re using isn’t decimating your libido, your best bet is to accept that this is just the way you work for now—you may surprise yourself when you hit your sexual peak in a few years—and find some middle ground.

Let’s say your boyfriend wants it four times a week and you can only “get into it” once a week. I’m not going to tell you it’s as simple as splitting the difference—have sex twice a week! Everybody loses!—because that advice, which is pretty standard for couples in your situation, is fucking useless. Inevitably, sex falls back to the frequency preferred by the person with the lower libido—just the boyfriend loses!—but having been promised more sex, the higher-libido partner’s sense of resentment spikes, there are more tearful talks, and the relationship invariably ends.

Here’s what you should do instead: You commit to great sex at least once a week. He deals. But you also commit to making sure your boyfriend is well and thoroughly milked—with your cheerful assistance—at least three additional times a week. You commit to being his full-blown sex partner once a week and his life-size, ambulatory masturbatory aide at least three times a week.

How would that work? Well, let’s say you’re not up for sex on Wednesday because you had sex last Sunday. But he’s horny. So you plop your twat down on his face and let him eat you out while he beats off. It’ll take 10 minutes. Then, let’s say he’s horny again on Friday, but you’re just not feeling it. So you treat him to a handjob while you rub your tits in his face. Another 10 minutes. And let’s say he wakes up horny on Saturday morning. So you sit on the edge of the bed, have him kneel between your open legs, and pull his face into your crotch while you tell him how thoroughly you’re going to fuck the shit out of him tomorrow, on Sunday, when you’re finally horny again.

As a special bonus, WWM, you may find that once the pressure is off—once you’re not expected to have or want sex but just expected to help out your horny boyfriend—your libido occasionally kicks in and you’re inspired to jump him. Or not. Either way, the pressure is off, you’re having great sex at least once a week, and he sees you making a sincere effort to keep his balls drained and him happy. Everybody wins.

I am a single, young, professional gal who likes to party until the break of dawn. This weekend, I went out with a group. One of the guys, whom I liked as a friend but was not attracted to, was at first cordial. But he became aggressive on the dance floor. He kept grabbing me by the hips and pulling me closer. He seemed to think my proper response was to turn around and start humping his leg. Is there some unspoken understanding I am unaware of that grinding on a guy’s leg on the dance floor does not mean a girl is interested in him? Is this just the way people dance now? If so, am I a prude for not wanting to rub my genitals on a guy I have no interest in? If not, then I need help with what to say if this happens again!

Grind It Someplace Else

One of two things was going on, GISE: For fear of seeming unfriendly, you sent signals that Dancer Boy innocently mistook for mild interest, and he attempted to get things started, as the kids used to say, on the dance floor; or, Dancer Boy knew you weren’t interested but sensed that you, like many young women, were socialized to be polite and deferential to men and knowingly manipulated you into a situation that made you feel uncomfortable.