[Savage Love] If You're Looking for a Label, What's Wrong With 'Exhibitionist'?

Didn't Know I Was Dating Herpes Boy

What do I think? Honestly, DKIWDHB? I think you're an idiot.

You met up with a strange guy for a nearly anonymous three-way that some other guy set up over Craigslist, and it turns out that this strange man you met—your now-boyfriend—has a rather common sexually transmitted infection. A thinking person who met someone under those circumstances would be shocked to discover that her now-boyfriend didn't have herpes.

Even though you may have already had herpes when you met this guy (you could've been exposed long ago and just not shown any symptoms to date), you still have a legit complaint. But it's not about the STI issue, DKIWDHB; it's about the lying. A man who's selfish enough to lie to a woman about his health—even a woman he's just met and suspects he may never meet again—in order to get out of wearing a condom isn't going to draw the line at that lie. He'll lie to you about other stuff—like, you know, vasectomies that he may or may not have had. You're worried about the herpes when you should probably be worried about the most common STI of all: pregnancy.

My girlfriend and I haven't had anything resembling sex in months. But any time I bring it up, she says she doesn't like to discuss it and that she'd rather "surprise" me with it. That apparently feels more natural, and the mere discussion of sex is a dead turn off.

What The Fuck?

Whatever the fuck is going on here, WTF, and whatever the fuck I tell you to do, I'll get shitloads of mail—all from readers with no more information to work with than I have—explaining how this is all your fault. Because, you see, you're the man, and whenever a couple's sex life goes off the rails, it is always the man's fault. (That's what makes gay relationships so egalitarian.) But for what it's worth—and it ain't worth much—here's my advice: "Surprise" her by moving out.

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