[Hey, You!] Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Matt Bors

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What part of "I don't like you" prompted you to show up at my door with a bottle of wine last night? I thought I was being quite clear when I told you over the phone less than a half-hour earlier that I have never liked you and—while I would not be mean to you when we come into contact in public—I in no way want to spend even a millisecond of my personal time anywhere in your vicinity. I realize that you are my brother's best friend, and as much as it sickens me, we will have to be in social situations together from time to time. But I truly dislike every inch of you, and I will never EVER change my mind about that. Now kindly take your wine with you when you leave and whine to someone else about how sorry you are. I have guests to entertain.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA 92701-7417, or e-mail us at letters@ocweekly.com.