By On the occasion of our 20th anniversary
By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
•"I'd like to help you realize your feminine potential to the utmost."
•"You have the body of an artist's model—Francis Bacon's."
•"You possess certain qualities that cause blood to rush to my reproductive organ."
•"You're driving me sane."
•"I'm like the sun: I'm bright, and I'll go down on you every day."
•"I think I love you; however, I need to do further research on the matter. Give me your number, and I'll get back to you ASAP."
•"I recently read the Cliffs Notes to the Kama Sutra. Good stuff."
•"You drive me to acute concentration."
•"I think you and I could have awesome genital crescendos."
•"I bet you and I could produce some perfectly adequate offspring."
•"I just read that the sun is going to explode in 5 billion years. Let's fuck to take our minds off that tragic news."
•Do you think you'll look this hot once I'm sober?"
•"Want to see my incredible baseball-card collection?"
•"You look familiar. Didn't we meet at a Lyndon LaRouche fund-raiser?"
•"Your face makes me want to take up sculpture."
•"You should check out my Friendster page."
•"I'd burn heaven for you."
•"I'm the kind of guy you can bring home to mother—especially if she needs a good fuck."
"I have the best-laid plans to give you the best lay of your life."
•"I think your flaws are perfect."
•"What's your favorite font? I think Helvetica rules."
•"You deserve the best, sweetheart. That's why I'm going to introduce you to my friend over here."
•"We should go to my pad. I have some Liberace LPs you need to hear."
•"My tongue causes women to speak in them."
•"Freud asked, 'What do women want?' It's a shame he never met me. Problem solved."