By Rich Kane
By Joel Beers
By LP Hastings
By Dave Barton
By Patrice Wirth Marsters
By Erin DeWitt
By Taylor Hamby
By LP Hastings
Juicy Couture is ruining your children, turning them into a generation of self-righteous Veruca Salts—that is, if you haven't already done so.
Really. You have to see this.
Check one of the latest designs from repeat offender Juicy: A line of terrycloth backpacks, binders, laptop cases and purses splashed with traditional capitalized college block script that reads, "JUICY COUTURE."
All right, fine.
But just under that?
Embroidered on an unfurled-ribbon banner: "TRUSTFUND GENERATION."
Have you ever seen something so awful, so disgusting, so personally offensive that you're left with nothing intelligible to say?
This is really one of those times (which is pretty unfortunate, actually; I'm supposed to be entertaining when writing this thing). I mean, we've all seen the pricey jogging suits girls purchase to wear to the mall, with "JUICY" splashed across the bum, or even the asinine dog clothing these same girls stuff their miniature teacup whatevers into. But this is a whole new thing for me—this taking-a-negative-stereotype-and-promoting-it thing. And ultimately, in the process, substantiating the stereotype.
What's so distasteful and trashy here isn't so much the terrycloth or pink-and-green color scheme or price tag ($175 for the purse pictured here). I can overlook poor taste, I guess.
But seeing young girls parading around flashing overpriced, puke-colored terrycloth purses that boast a tagline of "TRUSTFUND GENERATION" is like seeing that kid you went to high school with who drives the Porsche 911 that Daddy bought him.
Hey, it's not that I have something against the young, rich and fabulous. I just don't think you should be too proud of that handbag or flashy little vehicle that costs as much as most people's mortgages until you, yourself, worked hard enough to pay for that little item. It's cool Mom and Dad are well-off and all, but it'd be even cooler if you did something for yourself, too. So quit yer moochin'. Or at least quit being so goddamn proud of it.
I'm just sayin'.
Although, while I'm at it, I might as well say this: The tragically juvenile cotton-candy-pink and kelly-green color combination (on freaking terrycloth!) should probably be left to Limited Too and OshKosh B'Gosh wardrobes. It looks like Willy Wonka factory wallpaper or something. Do the snozzberries taste like snozzberries?