Editor's note: Wait, doesn't he have that coconut thing backward? What is white on the outside and brown on the inside, anyway? A Zero bar? A grizzly bear in an igloo? Certain varieties of fig? Li'l help?
"Any sucker willing to cross deserts and rivers or crawl through sewers for the chance of a better life deserves a shot at citizenship" as long as they don't feed children "Flamin' Hot" Cheetos—PULEEZEEE!!!! How many families do YOU know that don't have a case of Cheetos and a few cartons of Tampico in their fridge. Right.
The thin line between private and public property has taken some to jail. What is considered "private property"? Is a gated community really considered private property? Looking through Internet and paper listings of apartments for rent, a number of them claim to be private and gated. This means all grounds within the gates are private property. Can one consume alcohol by the pool or not? Does this mean one is allowed to carry arms within his/her gated community?
Cases that deal with public intoxication in a gated community boggle me of what's right or wrong. I believe that a gated community, given the 3-foot-fence law, is considered to be private property whether the ease of public entry is great or not. If someone really wants to get in, they're going to by any means necessary. Tenants should not suffer from propped-open gates; it's the property foreseer's responsibly to keep them closed.
IT'S ALL ABOUT M.E.
The Weekly has an immediate opening for a managing editor. The position requires finely honed writing, editing and management skills. The managing editor must be able to guide both experienced and beginning staff writers in producing superior magazine-style stories as well as supervise the day-to-day operations of the editorial department. The most promising applicants will be asked to take an extensive editing test. Interested applicants should contact Ted B. Kissell, editor, at OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA 92701. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. No phone calls, please.